Another one bites the dust

[P. Bateman]

So another girlfriend has come and gone. For the first time though, I really feel terrible. I'm realizing at thirty-one years old, that I'm just not emotionally available. She was a good person, is a good person. I just couldn't give her the attention and time that she required to be happy.

Thus begging the question; are some people just destined to be alone?

I really feel I don't have the emotional capacity to truly make another person happy. Things always appear to go well for the first few weeks, and then the feelings just, go away.

Now I'm at a crossroads of sorts. Do I get back on the bicycle and try again, or do I just take on the casual fling, explain my motives and intentions, and then just move on when necessary?

 

[mirage]

So another girlfriend has come and gone. For the first time though, I really feel terrible. I'm realizing at thirty-one years old, that I'm just not emotionally available. She was a good person, is a good person. I just couldn't give her the attention and time that she required to be happy.

Thus begging the question; are some people just destined to be alone?

I really feel I don't have the emotional capacity to truly make another person happy. Things always appear to go well for the first few weeks, and then the feelings just, go away.

Now I'm at a crossroads of sorts. Do I get back on the bicycle and try again, or do I just take on the casual fling, explain my motives and intentions, and then just move on when necessary?

I dont think you should dissmiss yourself as not being able to make a girl happy. Perhaps you just havent found one that fits you right. Or maybe you have been atracting high maintenance girls. I wouldnt worry about it. Just keep on keeping on...

 

[alluprbdy]

31 is still young these days, I have no intensions of looking for something serious until I'm atleast 30. When you find the right girl you'll be there for her.

 

[Shovel]

I was married 3 times before age 30, but I wouldn't listen to my relationship advice. Lol

 

[BikerTrash]

Life alot of the time is just ruff per say .
My mom always told me "Son ,you have to make yourself happy before making anyone else happy"
I have lived by that saying my whole life. Yep thats right .I have been married twice and divorced twice also because of that statement . But I have found that if I am happy with the situation and with myself , I tend to get along with people better .
My Ol lady now knows me , knows my attitude and has learned how to get along with me and ensure my happiness and everything runs smooth that way .
I think as you say , Some people may be destined to be a Bachelor per say there whole life but its to each his own .
I guess its a matter of life choice bro , You yourself explained the troubles of why the relationship didnt work and looks as if , its your lack on intuition that ended it .
Regardless of anyone's opinion , its simply in your hands . Do you want a relationship or not . Maybe you just need a Sex partner who wants the same as you , Quick wham bam and thank you mam kind of relationship and maybe a movie night once in awhile .
It seems as if your a strong willed fella who can take care of yourself so again I say ,,,,Make yourself happy before makeing others happy

 

[P. Bateman]

Life alot of the time is just ruff per say .
My mom always told me "Son ,you have to make yourself happy before making anyone else happy"
I have lived by that saying my whole life. Yep thats right .I have been married twice and divorced twice also because of that statement . But I have found that if I am happy with the situation and with myself , I tend to get along with people better .
My Ol lady now knows me , knows my attitude and has learned how to get along with me and ensure my happiness and everything runs smooth that way .
I think as you say , Some people may be destined to be a Bachelor per say there whole life but its to each his own .
I guess its a matter of life choice bro , You yourself explained the troubles of why the relationship didnt work and looks as if , its your lack on intuition that ended it .
Regardless of anyone's opinion , its simply in your hands . Do you want a relationship or not . Maybe you just need a Sex partner who wants the same as you , Quick wham bam and thank you mam kind of relationship and maybe a movie night once in awhile .
It seems as if your a strong willed fella who can take care of yourself so again I say ,,,,Make yourself happy before makeing others happy

Thank you.

My "internet buddies" are always there for me.

You're so right about making myself happy. I do not have the sunniest disposition in the world, and I know what I want. I won't be told what to do or how to do it by anyone. I find women want to be with a pre-conceived idea that they have conjured up of you in their minds -excuse me, not all women, just the ones I have met- and then when you don't meet those parameters, shall we say, they do their damndest to change who you are, though you've always been the same.

In fact we had an argument just last night about my going to the gym, how it takes away from "our time" together. I've been going to the gym for ten Goddamn years; I have no intentions of quitting now, not for anybody.

But at the same time, so I've been told, we have to make certain "changes" for the people for whom we love. We have to, in essence, try to become a different person for love to work.

I can't do it, I just can't.

 

[P. Bateman]

The upside; I can start using again.

 

[BikerTrash]

The upside; I can start using again.

^^^^ My Ol lady supports my use as she knew prior I am a bodybuilder and use supplements , now she even Pins me in a little nurses uniform ,,,Lol .....
I seen a few things here that I want to touch base on , and dont get me wrong , I am in no way a relationship expert as you can tell from above , Married twice/Divorced Twice but from what I have gathered and learned over the years, It is in fact and "give and take" togetherness.
I am the same way , no one,and I mean no one will tell me what to do or when to do it including my woman but if something is asked of me , I will consider it .
As far as your girl saying that your gym time takes away to much time from your relationship well , thats easy enough to compinsate .My scenario here is and how I fixed that .
My job requires me from 6:30am - 2:30pm
So my gym time cannot take time away from the Ol lady to please her so I get up at 3:30am and eat , shower and head to the gym and lift from 4:45am to 6:00am and then my gym time is done while the Ol lady is sleeping .Problem solved.
Its a funny thing really . From your posts today and in the past regarding relationships its obvious that you can take care of yourself ,by that I mean . Cook for yourself , do your own laundry and are content being alone and handling all your own buisness. The difference between you and I ,is just this .I do not handle being alone well , I cannot stand to be alone even if just for a day or a few hours. I find myself getting in a LOT of trouble if im left alone or get bored . I need the company ,also I dont fair well with washing machines or dryers , I tend to beat the shit out of them and kick and throw things at them .
Dishes? did someone say dishes? WTF are they ? I will throw them away if I have to wash them .
My point here is that you seem to handle and are comfortable with just being "you" and you dont need a "woman" full time as you take care of you .
Whatever choices in life you take bro , they HAVE to be your choices to make you happy . We all give a little to get a little .Its just a matter of how much your willing to give to get .

 

[ozzy69]

get on the bike and try again

and i guess never listen to shovel about women LMAO!

 

[DADAWG]

there are women out there who want a 1 on 1 relationship but have other interest in their lives and dont need constant attention from their man.

 

[Darkness]

31 is still young these days, I have no intensions of looking for something serious until I'm atleast 30. When you find the right girl you'll be there for her.

if you wanna fuk hang out with sick chicks in their early 20s. if you want an actual woman capable of being in an adult relationship... tough to find one under 40. If not older.

 

[bufbiker]

I'm not worried about making my old lady happy. I just let her know I'm totally commited to our relationship no matter what and that seems to do it for us.

 

[Glycomann]

After 30 that biological clock is ticking pretty damn loud. 50 years of birth control and woman's rights isn't going to override 4 billion years of evolution. At some point after 30 most woman want to find a good man, make a home and start a family. Naturally if you've been with such a woman for 6 months or so and it's not going toward that eventuality the woman will move on.

 

[Dawgpound_Hank]

But at the same time, so I've been told, we have to make certain "changes" for the people for whom we love. We have to, in essence, try to become a different person for love to work.
.

Thats a crock. You find someone who accepts you who you are with no changes needed. Do that, you'll be good to go. Don't keep secrets - let 'em know all about you so before the shit gets serious, they know whats up. If they can't accept it, say adios and move on.

p.s - Just be sure you do the same - don't try to flip it and expect HER to change later either fruitcake.lol

 

[Dawgpound_Hank]

Forgot to mention Pat, if all else fails then maybe its time you just fess up and come out of the closet dude so you can go searching for your studmuffin and be truly happy.

 

[mrhtbd]

Keep working out and improving your lot in life.
It gives you a bigger field to play in.
When you least expect it, or need it, the keeper comes along, well, at least one to keep for whenever, whatever, or for however long.
I kept moving througout my 20's; military, college, summers as a lifeguard at the beach. Finally met my spouse-to-be in a laundry-mat on a Sunday night after painting a house all day. She looked cute. I was in Grad school, she was working, I gave it a shot, 13 years married now with two kids.
We are both solitary people and do our own thing. I think we prefer it that way, but we spend a lot of family time together (dinners together, the kids sports and activities most nights per week, and weekends: swim meets, remodeling projects and such). We make a good team and compliment each other, even though I'm a bit distant and hard to reach.
Emotional attachment is overrated.
Keep your options open, and, oh yeah, stop being such a cold-hearted SOB! (You'll live longer!)

 

[Freezerdude]

I was going to add to this but I don't think Doctor Phil couldn't do any better himself.. Hang in there dude you'll find the right women sooner or later to many out there dude your looking in the wrong place and trith be known the right one is right under your nose..

 

[P. Bateman]

Forgot to mention Pat, if all else fails then maybe its time you just fess up and come out of the closet dude so you can go searching for your studmuffin and be truly happy.

Oh, Hank, you know you're the only man for me. My little hanky-poo.

 

[Mirrorshades]

Thank you.

My "internet buddies" are always there for me.

You're so right about making myself happy. I do not have the sunniest disposition in the world, and I know what I want. I won't be told what to do or how to do it by anyone. I find women want to be with a pre-conceived idea that they have conjured up of you in their minds -excuse me, not all women, just the ones I have met- and then when you don't meet those parameters, shall we say, they do their damndest to change who you are, though you've always been the same.

That's a recipe for disaster. If both parties are not willing to accept the other person for what they are, then the relationship is doomed. You're not gonna change; she's not gonna change.

In fact we had an argument just last night about my going to the gym, how it takes away from "our time" together. I've been going to the gym for ten Goddamn years; I have no intentions of quitting now, not for anybody.

Was she trying to get you to quit going altogether? I think that would be unreasonable. In your place, I might have retorted with something like, "Well, I could be spending the time in the bar, drinking with my buddies...."

But at the same time, so I've been told, we have to make certain "changes" for the people for whom we love. We have to, in essence, try to become a different person for love to work.

I can't do it, I just can't.

It's not just you, nobody can do it.

My advice would be to try and find someone who is interested in the same things as you are -- common interests can provide a real bond. My better half and I are both computer geeks. Jewelry isn't the way to her heart... a new motherboard, huge hard drive or faster processor is. Our common interest has helped keep us together for some 25 years now.

Mirrorshades


Mirrorshades