Advice on how to handle Son's change of heart

Dakota

Dakota

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Feb 23, 2017
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Hey brothers,

There are lots of athletes here so let me run this by you gents. You may know my boy is an elite athlete. He plays hockey and had a hell of a year last year. I don't want to be too specific on his team finish last year just to keep things DL but let me say that his team was a top 30 in the Nation. Many on his team and him included got offered Prep School scholarships He is 16 and a second year Midget and going to be a Junior next fall. He got an invite to a NA3HL camp. That is a tier 3 Juniors camp for those not familiar with hockey and he got asked to come skate for a Junior A team as well. A month ago he was offered a AAA spot. He turned all this stuff down and I thought he just wanted some time away from training 6 days a week for years and didn't want to play away from home and billet someplace half a country away from Dad.

Last week he tells me he doesn't think he wants to play hockey anymore. Wow! Aside from my own disappointment because I love it, it really bothered me for him too. I don't want him to regret his decision a year from now when the train has left the station. He needs to commit very soon or he will never play elite level hockey again.

What do you say to him to make sure he is doing a gut check not making a mistake? I don't want him to play if he really doesn't want to but I don't know how to make him realize what he is passing up and how he might regret this someday. I think anything I say is going to sound like Dad likes to live vicariously through him and I will be missing out not him. How do you make a teenager grasp what a big decision he is really making?

Athletics is so high level now that you can't take a year of and come back and compete. It just isn't like that anymore.
 
Encourage him but it's decision to make. It seems you want him to play more than he wants to.
 
I know people who, as kids, spent almost all year playing or practicing for sports, and, after many years of it got burned out and quit. Before school, after school, weekends, vacation time, summer, it just went on and on. Many had parents that were their 'coaches' so it was hard for them to be a kid.

Talk with him and find out what is going on in his head, no judgement but listen to him, talk to/with him. Good luck.
 
Reminds me of a situation with my son. I pulled him aside, well it was in the car on a 2.5 hr drive, and Ilayed out what the likely outcome was if he stuck it out and what the likely outcome was if he didn't. Shocked me but he made the right decision and has almost no student loan debt and a great career. My daughter, on the other hand, didn't listen and she has a lot of debt and less marketability. Boys tend to be more reasonable, at least my son was.
 
my son is younger and bailing but I get it. That age makes it harder I think you need to have the long term talk and goals. College future stuff like that. Unfortunately this decision at 16 could effect all of that. I feel your pain. I think the key is a good talk and make sure he knows your motivation is in check. Lay it all out there pros and cons to both decisions and then see what happens. First and formost he has to know your their either way.
 
You just have to give him the information and allow him to make the decision. Its his to make.

My oldest son was one of my area's best soccer goalies. We started at 4 yrs old and he played until about 16 and decided no more. He has not regretted it since. My youngest was also a soccer stud but at 12 decided enough. he took 6 months off then went into football and as long as he wants it, he will probably end up playing on Saturdays.

As dad's we are proud when our kids do well in sports but if you step back and realize that you can be proud of the young man he has become, its the same feeling. Heaven forbid he gets hurt and you blame yourself for pushing him......

BPP
 
Went through something similar with the daughter, its that age 16ish. All there friends are fucking around. They see them at the beach, eating and drinking crap. hanging out and doing nothing.... They can suddenly drive there world is expanding... all there friends are getting to be kids 24/7

Mine had to choose between AAA hockey and her fast pitch, we used to practice the pitching under the bleachers during road hockey tournaments...she regrets giving up the hockey to this day, now that she's in college seeing the load she feels she could have done both... now mind you, she will graduate in 4 years with degree in hand and no college debt... her D3 coach was very helpful making sure she stayed there pitching...wink wink but none the less

Talk to him, find out the real base line reason for the change and DONT PREACH!!! listen and help him work through it...
 
Thanks all. It is good reinforcement for what I basically knew was the right approach. Just lay it out and let him decide. He just bought a new car, has girls sending him nude pix (can you believe chix these days?) and has plenty of friends that are not athletes so it should have been more predictable. I guess my worry was him regretting it, but you know what? He may, but it will be his to own. You can't protect your kids from the consequences of their decisions or your create a monster. He will decide and he will live with it.

It will be a life style change for us. No more flying all over the country for games but I am cool with that. I will take real vacations instead!

Thanks for the input men.
 
I think one of the other problems is the push for specialization earlier and earlier.

Athletic kids used to play something different every season. It mixed things up kept them healthy and active and made them better by using different muscle groups differently for each sport. With the push to excel at just one thing at a time the kids get burned out... We had a hockey coach that was brutal in high school and just as we all were getting close to our limits the season would end and track would start and you'd breath again..
 
The problem with team sports is the coaches always end up playing favorites and some players get tired of being ?second fiddle!? Does he lit weights with you? Maybe he wants to ?fill your shoes? in other ways. Also, an individual sport allows him to self-improve and only compete against his last best. My 17 year old daughter told me tonight she?s thinking of quitting field hockey. Instead she wants to go and lift weights with me. I said, ?Of course!? Sign her up tomorrow!
 
He is coming over to the dark side and is starting to BB. He is training on his own and some with me. He decided he wants to work and make money instead of play hockey. His first day working for Dad was a tough one and I think he is wondering what he got himself into. But I get it. A new car and a new girl to finance. Young and dumb enough to think $650/week is a lot of money. Funny what a little pussy will do to a man. I do have to say he caught an absolutely STUNNINGLY attractive young lady. 16 and looks 25. Yikes!! Trouble? Time will tell.
 
Good for him, defining himself as a man! You must have been a good example. My daughter has been with same boy 14 months now, both 17, both have cars. The boy is 6?2?, rows crew and I approve. She said she?s going to swim again (10th year) but ?Really wants big lats and strong legs!? Hmm, ?def not millennials!?
 
He is getting a life lesson. He hasn't admitted it but I believe he would take a gut wretching hockey practice about now. He came in from work last night at 5:30, showered, ate and was in bed by 8:30. No need for a work out last night. He hauled materials down a staircase for more that 1/2 a day and did demolition the rest of the day. Up with me at 5:00 this morning.

Hopefully this will be a wake up call for school as well. He keeps letting his math slide. Summer school for math again this year. I explained THIS is the type of career you have if you can't excel in studies. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with labor, there isn't. He just needs to know the bargain. My girlfriends son is 21 and hated school. He is in refrigeration now and at 21 can take a pile of copper, sheet metal, a couple of motors and electric panels and build a refrigeration unit from the ground up. He is an amazing welder and will do well. He already has plans to open his own shop in AZ within 3 years, but this kid is up at 4 am and not home until 6 or 7 working for his Dad.

I got the same lesson when I was young. I left home at 16 because I was so smart right? I made it through an Associates degree and never went back to college. I have done extremely well but I regret never completing a 4 year degree. I was going back in the Fall of 2002. That spring my Ex got pregnant.

All this babbling to simply point out we must learn for ourselves. I am sure everyone of us old guys has a story to tell. Coulda, woulda, shouldas. Life is a grand challenge, and then you die.
 
I hope things work out for the upcoming generation miy son dropped out of full scholarship engineering program after getting his AA degree then went to a university with 2 yrs left at a university , I always tried to give whatever it took pep talks ect. but he just didn't want to have to study anymore.....play video games chatwith his bummy freiinds that had no jobs or futures he explained to me his friends are doin just fine. I explained yes livin at home when there 30 and leachin off there parents to support their life choice.he wanted to be like them so now he works at Walmart nght , stock shelves but he is happy...drives a 35 yr old truck and lives paycheck to paycheck . he is still better off thenhis friends [ he has a job ] starting to understand the wjole concept of what he thru away.
 
I went through something similar, I’ll post up later this afternoon - reminding myself to reply when I have a minute
 
I played football in college, but before I got there I had plenty of self-doubting moments.

In those moments, my parents always told me, “you’ve already done so much just to get here. Stick with it for one more session/term/season/whatever, write down your feelings nd reasoning now, and, afterwards, if you feel the same way you feel today, then make a decision. We’ll always support you, no matter what.”

In my case, it always ended up being a momentary weakness. And when I was done, I knew it. I can say that I have no regrets about how I left football

Now, after I was done, I still had the itch to compete, so I got into MMA. Close a door, open a widow kind of shit.

Moral - push him to stick it out one more time (whatever that is, a regular season, an off season team session, whatever). If he still wants to quit afterwards, cross that bridge when you guys get there. Impulsive decisions can be more regrettable than those well thought out.

Hope it works out the best way possible for you two.
 
I tried to convince him to see it through this year as a 2nd year Midget as he had a banner year last year and would be the big dog this year. He didn't want to. It is too late now, evaluations have passed.

I see now that it was all about the girl. He didn't want to be at practice and games 6 days a week when there was vagina to chase. He asked to change schools for next fall last week. Not gonna happen.

He will regret his choice, especially if the squeeze doesn't work out and we all know how that first love thing works out right? He is working for me now and doesn't care for it because he is starting as a grunt. Being the bosses son brings no perqs. I told him he can quit but only after he has another job. After years of being a bust ass hard worker, early riser, with a great work ethic he is taking a turn. I guess it is the age.

I don't think he will be challenging the ol man soon though. We train together a couple times a week. It is a great motivator for me to show how much more I can lift and how many more reps I can pull. I think he is a little in awe of how much the old guy can still push and how BBers push through agony for those couple more reps.

I guess it won't matter a 100 years from now right?
 
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