How do you deal with invisible illnesses in others?

C

chicken_hawk

Joined
May 7, 2018
Messages
253
First, let me start by saying I'm the guy who still cries at Old Yella and has taken in two Forster kids (both stole from me go figure) and giving people the benefit of a doubt to a fault.

That being said, fool me once shame on you... Fool me twice shame on me. I know find my self surrounded by three types of people. Those born to advantage and either blow it or take advantage of it. I can understand them. Those born to disadvantage who overcome and don't make excuses but anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I would like to think most here fall into this category. I understand them.

The third group I have no idea how to handle. Those will depression, ADHD, PTSD, and so on. Now, I believe and understand that may people struggle with these issues and they are legit. My problem is I don't believe they are all legit and I hate fakers so I become indifferent because I can't tell if they have real issues or just want attention or an excuse.

I could list several questionable examples, but one that is in my second circle is a vet who was marine truck driver. And during a convoy, not under fire lost a brother when crossing a river and while never having a round fired at him or having fired a round now had PTSD or does he? I just don't know to feel sympathy or disdain. I lean way towards the latter.

I have such an issue with liars that I don't know what to do besides walk away because they are stealing resources from people who need legit help. Sorry, but it bothers me enough to make a post. How do you guys do it?

Hawk
 
WOW! Thank you very much for your service and all you sacrificed and had take from you.
 
I got no idea about your friend, I can tell you that each person experiences life through their own eyes. Who am I to say that one person isn't suffering in some way simply because I don't understand it? I know lots of people who got the same diagnosis and never saw combat.

Walk a mile in their shoes.

Props Alpha, been there too brother.


~PM
 
No disrespect to anyone who suffers but I find that weak people are just weak people and claiming PTSD legitimizes them. Its an excuse for some as to why they can't do this or that or whatever or why they need drugs, etc. The sad thing is for those who do really suffer is that the drugs they take, perpetuate the problem. If you start out taking .5mg of xanex for anxiety and then thru the years you're up to 2mg's, the anxiety just gets worse. A problem that might have just been an excuse for them is now in their brain a real thing and they do really suffer.

My dad was in Nam, multiple tours, he was bombed out of his barracks one night blowing his ear drum and he still can't hear. His skin is rotting off his body from the agent orange but he never once complained or asked for anything extra. I find most Nam vets are that way.

I see guys my age that were always pussies that joined the service. Now years after they are suddenly Navy Seals that survived an attack of over 1000 hodgies in Iraq and are the only surviving guy from their unit, etc.......and have PTSD. I think its actually from the shock of getting off momma's nipple and being scared shirtless.

BPP
 
Alpha great respect man. I'm an USAF vet but was in at a time we were not at war.

Hawk it's hard to impossible to know what's going on in another person's brain. Personally I have met many pretenders in my lifetime.
 
You will always have those that take advantage to the detriment of those that are legit. I had a girlfriend for about 6 months that at least claimed she had chronic pancreatitis. She was on disability which was awarded without question. Over the 6 months I began to notice her symptoms were convenient. I flew her all over the country staying in hotels and eating out. I don't drink but she often had wine or margaritas. (not supposed to drink) Never once in all of our travels did it affect her. But let something come up in everyday life that she didn't like and she would lay on the sofa curled up and claim she was going to die. Coincidence? I don't know but I am glad to be away from that.

I don't contest unemployment claims any more. Since I once had a foreman file for unemployment after not showing up for work. I went to the hearing and told the officer that I had work coming out of my ears, did not have enough foremen, and he could get up out of his chair and go to work that very afternoon....... they gave him unemployment.

I had 6 employees nearly put me out of business filing workers comp simultaneously. When RE crashed business went from rocking 6 days a week to barely 40 for my guys. They started padding their time cards. After confronting them twice I threatened to "put them on piece work" if they didn't knock it off. 6 of them filed WC. I fought it for years all the while my rates skyrocketed. They all ended up getting settlements. One of them died about 8 months ago. His parents are suing me for his death. He hasn't worked for me in over a decade. He was a diabetic alcoholic that drank himself to death. The AME said 100% NON attributable to his employment, it still raised my WC 25 points on my mod rate.

Call me a skeptic.

At the same time for those that are legit, I want the best of possible care. How does one sort the wheat from the chaff. I say make it a SERIOUS punishment for the frauds. To date there is nothing more than "oops".
 
First and foremost, I believe and respect mental illness. I also appreciate everyone's service regardless of where and when. I just don't like cheaters and this goes beyond PTSD. That was just a guy who talks my ear off at the gym everyday and I know is desperate for attention. There are others in other situations that I'd love to call out with migraines etc. I won't say anything, but I typically I avoid them if I can.

Hawk
 
I've never been in combat overseas but being a MC 1%er I've seen and done my share of shit. Been shot at, shot back, stabbed, seen brothers die. My best friend was killed by so called brothers. My business partner in our import trade was hog tied with two taps to the back if the head. I had guns stuck at my head and the trigger pulled, but I was faster. Been in prison twice. I've probably got ptsd to some degree. Nothing compared to a hero like Alpha. But I know I'm screwed up in the head. Probably why I make some of my bad decisions. I need to feel that rush.
That said so you can understand my vantage point, I'll never disparage a man who served. I have no idea what that's like. But I will say some people just want attention and something to make them special in the eyes of people around them.
 
Dakota said:
You will always have those that take advantage to the detriment of those that are legit. I had a girlfriend for about 6 months that at least claimed she had chronic pancreatitis. She was on disability which was awarded without question. Over the 6 months I began to notice her symptoms were convenient. I flew her all over the country staying in hotels and eating out. I don't drink but she often had wine or margaritas. (not supposed to drink) Never once in all of our travels did it affect her. But let something come up in everyday life that she didn't like and she would lay on the sofa curled up and claim she was going to die. Coincidence? I don't know but I am glad to be away from that.

I don't contest unemployment claims any more. Since I once had a foreman file for unemployment after not showing up for work. I went to the hearing and told the officer that I had work coming out of my ears, did not have enough foremen, and he could get up out of his chair and go to work that very afternoon....... they gave him unemployment.

I had 6 employees nearly put me out of business filing workers comp simultaneously. When RE crashed business went from rocking 6 days a week to barely 40 for my guys. They started padding their time cards. After confronting them twice I threatened to "put them on piece work" if they didn't knock it off. 6 of them filed WC. I fought it for years all the while my rates skyrocketed. They all ended up getting settlements. One of them died about 8 months ago. His parents are suing me for his death. He hasn't worked for me in over a decade. He was a diabetic alcoholic that drank himself to death. The AME said 100% NON attributable to his employment, it still raised my WC 25 points on my mod rate.

Call me a skeptic.

At the same time for those that are legit, I want the best of possible care. How does one sort the wheat from the chaff. I say make it a SERIOUS punishment for the frauds. To date there is nothing more than "oops".
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I run a science shop inside a bigger shop and have to justify budgets and positions. I feel your pain but have not had to bear the financial downside as much as you. But I have had people that are absolutely useless and others that are counterproductive. Some people are somehow self rightous monsters that consume positivity and crap out drama and inefficiency.
 
I guess no one really answered chicken hawks question though. I'm not sure how to deal with him other than just accept him as he is. Try not to judge. Listen when he talks. Dont try to offer help, just listen. Try to empathize.
Dont know if that helps.
 
Roughrydr said:
I guess no one really answered chicken hawks question though. I'm not sure how to deal with him other than just accept him as he is. Try not to judge. Listen when he talks. Dont try to offer help, just listen. Try to empathize.
Dont know if that helps.
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Thanks, this wasn't intended to disparage vets...goodness no. I suddenly regret bringing up the subject.

My apologies,
Hawk
 
Yeah, we know I'm sure. There are people out there who are so fragile that things effect them more profoundly than others. So while there are guys like Alpha, and Choke, who have done, seen and experienced things that no human should ever have to do or experience, major shit, and they cope or break. Then someone that saw a friend die experiencing trauma that you wouldn't think would be so traumatic not dealing well with it. Like I said, some people seek attention and recognition. Others suffer silently until they snap. Some may ask how I can say any of this, in my world I'm surrounded by vets that seek that thrill they used to get overseas and the commraderie. And like I said, I'm certain I'm f'ed in the head from what I've seen and done. I cant even imagine what guys like Alpha must experience upon return to civilian life.
 
Hawk I don't think you should feel bad about bringing up the subject because people do abuse the system. I read through most of the discussion and it was eye opening for me. I would have been the guy looking at Alpha making judgments because of the way he physically looks. I wouldn't have verbalized them but now knowing his story I think I will look at it differently. Good topic.
 
tobyonekinobi said:
Hawk I don't think you should feel bad about bringing up the subject because people do abuse the system. I read through most of the discussion and it was eye opening for me. I would have been the guy looking at Alpha making judgments because of the way he physically looks. I wouldn't have verbalized them but now knowing his story I think I will look at it differently. Good topic.
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Thanks man, I would never confront anyone or call bullshit on mental illness. But, as an example my mom is trying to get my 42 year old druggy brother disability saying everything she can as an excuse for his behavior. If he gets it, he will skate on the responsibility of his actions. And you will be paying for it. In his case I know the truth, but that always makes me skeptical of others who are abusing the system.

Hawk
 
AlphaMale said:
I am an Iraq War vet rated 100%, Total and Permanent for PTSD related mental health issues.
I cannot speak for your vet pal. Do you know what his disability rating % is for PTSD?
A minimum 10% rating from the VA is pretty much automatic for any combat vet these days.
Mind you, 10% is practically nothing in real dollar value.
How did i end up with a 100% disability rating for PTSD?
Three weeks on morgue detail...i was a "toe tagger"....shot in my right lung with massive internal bleeding, hit by shrapnel from an IED which lodged into my vertebrae and punctured my spinal column resulting in a paralyzed arm for three months.
My wife cheated on me and bankrupted me and took my kids while i was deployed. I came home to zero welcomes and both of my vehicles repo'd and my bank account 60k in debt. My credit scored dropped from 725 to 385 while i was overseas.
After 14 years active duty, i ended up homeless and delivered pizzas for 9 yrs while i lived in my car or in a cheap motel if i made enough tips that nite.
Ive been on countless meds and 100's hrs of therapy.
Its been 14 years since I've seen combat and i still get that rush of adrenaline that tells me to take cover and start killing people.
Ive been locked up in Ward 4-B at the VA Medical Center in Nashville, TN because i was deemed a threat to the public and myself.
As recently as last April my boss got in my face and i tried to shove his head in the deep fryer. It took four male employees and two cops to get me off of him.
I have earned three college degrees, am a certified welder and highly decorated veteran. Yet, i returned home to massive debt, divorce, loss of my kids, suicidal thoughts, and inability to focus on anything without creeping thoughts of depression, anxiety and homocidal rage.
Every veteran has their own story. People see me looking like a bodybuilder and they see me parked in the disabled space in front if the gym. I get some quizzical looks...even disdainful.
But, like the psychistrist at the VA told me. "Never feel guilty for anything the VA does for you. You earned it."
Btw, that's a 90 day supply of meds for PTSD treatment....not including pain meds for chronic nerve damage due to my injuries.
Thats a whole other pile of pills.
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That's fucking awful. I'm sorry to hear all that.
 
I work in the medical sector in a military hospital. I have several friends dealing with PTSD. It's often times easy to see the ones abusing the system in hopes of securing a medical pension. I feel the deepest disgust for these people, but have to maintain a professional manner with them. It's honestly one of the most difficult parts of my job. I've never suffered fools well and find it hard to mask my contempt for the leeching bastards.
I've you feel in your gut that they're misleading you, do your best to stay clear of them.
 
Damn alpha much respect. I do know a couple of pretenders that just use it as an excuse to play the system but at the end of the day what is it to me? Yes they are taking away from people who truly need it but people suck and it will always be like that. It is frustrating but I can't change it so I just do what's important to me and try not to fixate on the stupid stuff people do. If he's that much of a dick to pull something like that maybe he's not someone to hang around.
 
https://invisibledisabilities.org/

Some people may be fakes, but many people are serious and are unable to get a clear idea of why things are the way that they are. I was once given the diagnosis of "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome". Just prior to symptoms I had been racing bicycles and easily qualifying for collegiate nationals. It took nearly 8 years to figure out that the issue was a blood pressure condition, that once treated with several medications every day is manageable. Many doctors didn't want to be anywhere near a cyclist due to all the scandals, many more didn't know what was going on and just wanted to bill for repetitive tests. Since figuring out the main issue with my health, I have gone from laying in bed and barely able to eat a couple of eggs in a day, to functioning near the level of average America. Not physically superior in strength and endurance like once upon a time, but just functioning is a massive improvement.
 
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