My type of Santa!

[Stout1]

Dear Santa,
>I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
>yer Frend,BiLLy
>
>Dear Billy,
>Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
>send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
>your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa
>____________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
>and joy in the world for everybody! Love,
>
>Sarah
>
>Dear Sarah,
>Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
>
>Santa _________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
>mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love,
>Teddy
>
>Dear Teddy,
>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
>hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
>fat-frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
>dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
>__________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
>kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
>
>Dear Francis,
>Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you
>up with a Barbie. Santa
>_________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
>your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
>
>Dear Susan,
>Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
>scotch. Santa
>________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
>Your friend, Thomas
>
>Dear Thomas,
>All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
>most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
>myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing
>money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
>________________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
>like in the song? Love, Jessica
>
>Dear Jessica,
>Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck ! in
>whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
>_______________________________________________________________
>
>Dear Santa,
>I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
>PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
>
>Timmy,
>That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
>work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
>________________________________________________________________
>
>Dearest Santa,
>We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
>Love, Marky
>
>Mark,
>First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
>whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
>boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, SANTA
>

 

[goes4ever]

you sure this one isn't buff, the way he spells?

Dear Santa,
>I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
>yer Frend,BiLLy