No offense but that sounds pretty fucked up. Your current wife doesn't like you seeing your son because she is jealous of his mother?
I can't figure it out. My wife knew about him before we got serious. I told her I wanted to be in his life. Her standard response to anything I said about him was, "You made your choice."
And I reply, "Yeah, about the woman, not about the boy." I also always remind her she has no right to deny a son his father or vice-a-versa. Ridiculous.
She may have been afraid my son's mother would come after us for money.
I paid voluntary child support until my son was two and his mom and I had a giant fight which resulted in that she didn't want me to see him. I could never figure that out, why she changed so suddenly. Things have changed in that regard.
I found out yesterday, her husband was behind the scheme and used denial of insurance and money unless she went along. It's really fucked up. This guy was separated from her for six years before we even met, but they are still married for the benefits and their kids. Particularly an 18 year old with spina bifida. She was six when I met the mother, and the man was living separately.
I can get all that, and also why she caved in to the guy and had the boy with husband there to sign the birth certificate with his own name.
They wanted me to disappear, which I vowed I never would, but didn't have money to fight it.
I guess the guy went about life with a "healthy son." Somehow after having a miscarriage then a kid with spina bifida (paralysed and in a wheelchair for life) I guess the guy felt somehow justified in public by his new healthy son. He acted like the boy was his, and used coercion against the mother to play along with it. She may have had reason's as well; I didn't have a stable work history, just 17 years in the military, which, according to their family wasn't worth much.
Since then I got 2 Master Degree's and am working on a Principal's Certification, now you may understand why the fighting force behind getting these degree's, and the options for employment into my older years they may provide, has been maintained.
Lately I was severely depressed because I couldn't see the kid, he was likewise. I could hear it in his voice.
They waited until he was 9 1/2 to take him out to dinner and tell him the man was not his father, that I was and who I was, that I was now married and had kids. Before that I called her regularly for years and was not allowed to see him or talk to him since he was 18 months old. After they told him, she finally let me talk to him. I have talked to him on the phone about every week for almost 3 years. I only saw him once a year and a half ago. Took off work one day and drove up and then back. Didn't tell anyone. Chicken shit I guess. Wife would always threaten for me to move out and take the kids. I had to have more leg to stand on, as her parents watched them during the day. This month they will be 4 and 9, I think it's about time they discover and meet their brother. This will happen before the end of this year. Hopefully it will not be too late for the boy's mother to enjoy.
Now the whole lung cancer thing has brought everything into the light, and I just don't care about playing stupid games any more. My son's mother doesn't want money, my son refuses to take money, gifts, or anything from me. Turns out the father has something to say about that and this has lent a negative effect. They'd rather he not know or see about any gifts I give him than hear the wrath. I got the boy a Wii 15 months ago and I guess they have been hearing grumbling about that ever since. Meanwhile, he's cheap as dirt and hangs money over them all the time.
I really liked this woman. This kid was born out of love. It was a fleeting relationship and things outside ourselves lent a heavy price on it but the fact is this kid is great. I just can't allow his mother to die thinking I didn't come to claim him, want him, or ever get to know him, and since yesterday, wow, seeing him almost a teenager and seeing how much he is just like me it burns deeper into me more than ever.
It is a deep and painful situation which has been effecting me for thirteen years, but I am resolved to go the distance.
I am at 216BW now, lost 49 pounds since April 2009, and am prepping for job searching this spring after I get my permanent teaching certification.
As depressed, elated, and in the no-uncertain emotional turmoil I'm in, I took today off to see some doctors and then aplied myself to the diligent task of necessary work.
I just (this afternoon) finished three major papers, (over 90 pages total) and I am going back into work tomorrow, with a renewed sense of conviction, that what I have worked to accomplish for so long is really starting to glimmer out of the distance into the day.
Ramble over, I move on to collect my paperwork and head to a parent-teacher conference for my third grade daughter, then it's off to her gymnastic class after dinner, and then I think I deserve to go and disappear into the hallowed hall of the gym, the music, the power, accomplished self.
It's back today, back and biceps. Later...
That is part of the rest-of-the-story.
The saga continues...
