Story Time

[Paramuscle]

So, here's my idea..... What about we do a thread where we tell stories? I don't know if anyone is interested but for those who are, let's tell some stories. Only what you are comfortable with and want others to know.



My first story takes place in a far away land of fuckery called, Afghanistan. For those of you who are not familiar, there was a war there a few years back that I was involved with. It's important to note that during this time, I was not affiliated with the military directly and was employed privately which gave us a great deal more freedom than conventional participants in said conflict.


So its around 2009 - 2010 and I am working for a private contracting organization that I won't name but if you know, you know. If you ever heard one name regarding that industry, this was that name. And, along with the name came a very unique and easily identifiable insignia that we were known for as well. Our jobs were extremely exciting and full of wonder and amazement and as such, we had a lot of down time and boredom was the devils playground....

So some of us are talking about tattoos and the idea was, why don't we just do it ourselves? How hard can it be right? So, I ordered a really nice tattoo kit with a pelican case and everything and had is shipped in to me and we began doing tattoos on each other. Now, we were not tattoo artists and really had no idea what we were doing but thank goodness for YouTube and whiskey because we figured it out. So now I have been doing ink for a few years and its all blackwork and all traced and nothing fancy....and guys usually just brought me a bottle of whiskey and I would tattoo them until I couldn't any more and then we would begin again in a few days. It worked pretty well for me during this period and once I left that life, I never tattooed again.

This story involves that back story along with the idea that the company that I was employed by was very well known and, a tad controversial as well. I had a guy who wanted a tattoo of the symbol of the company along with a coverup that was a tribal design. So, he comes to me asking for this ink and I thought it was gay as fuck so ...... I decided to mess with him.. So, he and I design this and I outlined it on him, while I was drinking and I thought, "I should totally fuck with him" so I outline him and in the middle of this half sleeve, in ink, I wrote... "I LOVE COCK" and I didn't tell him. So I am drinking and I was like, lets do some more in a few days... So he goes around showing it off and people finally tell hm and he gets all pissed..... Anyway, he walked around for 3 days while I kept telling him I didn't have time to fix it.. He got picked on pretty good and I had a good laugh and so it worked out in the end.....




Lets hear some of yours.........





~PM

 

[juggaknott2011]

So, here's my idea..... What about we do a thread where we tell stories? I don't know if anyone is interested but for those who are, let's tell some stories. Only what you are comfortable with and want others to know.



My first story takes place in a far away land of fuckery called, Afghanistan. For those of you who are not familiar, there was a war there a few years back that I was involved with. It's important to note that during this time, I was not affiliated with the military directly and was employed privately which gave us a great deal more freedom than conventional participants in said conflict.


So its around 2009 - 2010 and I am working for a private contracting organization that I won't name but if you know, you know. If you ever heard one name regarding that industry, this was that name. And, along with the name came a very unique and easily identifiable insignia that we were known for as well. Our jobs were extremely exciting and full of wonder and amazement and as such, we had a lot of down time and boredom was the devils playground....

So some of us are talking about tattoos and the idea was, why don't we just do it ourselves? How hard can it be right? So, I ordered a really nice tattoo kit with a pelican case and everything and had is shipped in to me and we began doing tattoos on each other. Now, we were not tattoo artists and really had no idea what we were doing but thank goodness for YouTube and whiskey because we figured it out. So now I have been doing ink for a few years and its all blackwork and all traced and nothing fancy....and guys usually just brought me a bottle of whiskey and I would tattoo them until I couldn't any more and then we would begin again in a few days. It worked pretty well for me during this period and once I left that life, I never tattooed again.

This story involves that back story along with the idea that the company that I was employed by was very well known and, a tad controversial as well. I had a guy who wanted a tattoo of the symbol of the company along with a coverup that was a tribal design. So, he comes to me asking for this ink and I thought it was gay as fuck so ...... I decided to mess with him.. So, he and I design this and I outlined it on him, while I was drinking and I thought, "I should totally fuck with him" so I outline him and in the middle of this half sleeve, in ink, I wrote... "I LOVE COCK" and I didn't tell him. So I am drinking and I was like, lets do some more in a few days... So he goes around showing it off and people finally tell hm and he gets all pissed..... Anyway, he walked around for 3 days while I kept telling him I didn't have time to fix it.. He got picked on pretty good and I had a good laugh and so it worked out in the end.....




Lets hear some of yours.........





~PM

LMFAO !!! your so wrong bro but that's funny as fuck ! Bad ass group you were rolling with ! nothing but respect brother ! I can only imagine the stories you have !

 

[jrod]

Oof! Wow

 

[Chooch]

I could probably tell some pretty damn good stories. They’d include the local mob, trips to Florida to meet the Colombians, the FBI, dinners and travel with the local chapter president of a 1% club, a brawl and shooting up the bikes of said club��. Bribing local jail guards with catering to gain favors for a friend that was waiting trial on federal charges. And so, so, so much more lol. It’d be super interesting, most would assume it was all made up though. Who knows, maybe it all happened and maybe I’m a compulsive liar. Never know����*

 

[Paramuscle]

I could probably tell some pretty damn good stories. They?d include the local mob, trips to Florida to meet the Colombians, the FBI, dinners and travel with the local chapter president of a 1% club, a brawl and shooting up the bikes of said club��. Bribing local jail guards with catering to gain favors for a friend that was waiting trial on federal charges. And so, so, so much more lol. It?d be super interesting, most would assume it was all made up though. Who knows, maybe it all happened and maybe I?m a compulsive liar. Never know����*

You have my attention. I?d be interested as hell. My wife, one time told me I should write a book and I replied, who would believe it? Course I actually have a podcast with three other Blackwater guys that validate my stories n YouTube but yeah, I get your point. No shit though I?d be interested to hear your story brother.


Hit me up if you want my link



~PM

 

[Roughrydr]

Ive had an interesting life as a 1%er. I unloaded boats with tons of weed. Sold plenty too, bales and bales. Moved high up in the coke trade. Met a very well known female figure in that trade. Partied with rock stars. Jammed on stage with a few. Im a guitar player. Been involved with multiple incidents that ill take to my grave. Done some crazy stuff. Done some very bad things. In prison twice. That's probably what saved my life to be honest. I was respected in the jiont but still had a scuffle or two. Involved in race riots thst went off every February for some reason. Go figure. Been with so many women i dont have a clue how many. Some beautiful, some not so much. Some sexy. Some fat, some skinny. Now im just grandpa and husband to my alzheimers ridden wife. She tried to hook me up with a red headed wsitress at outback yesterday. Said she had to keep me happy. 5 minutes later i said something about the waitress she said do you want me to come across this table? Lol. My arms are as big as her head. Lol. Ive had a great life. But nobody would be interested in any of that stuff.

 

[wallyd]

Thanks gentlemen, now I realize how boring I really am. :-( Joking I’m happy with the stories I can tell, the friends I’ve made & life I’m living.

 

[Paramuscle]

Everyone has stories. Many people feel like they don't but then they start talking and find out that people are interested.




~PM

 

[ozzy69]

In the 2nd grade I saved up and got my first bmx bike. I was hooked. I began racing at an early age and had a lot of skill with it. I was crush kids with better bikes and more money.

I eventually moved to road bikes then to mountain bikes.

I raced on the Motorola teen team and keep in mind this was the early 90s. So I got meet the cockiest asshole in the planet on two wheels, Lance Armstrong. I met most of the top stateside pros on road bikes.

I eventually made a solid name for myself on dirt where I was crushing local events and placing top 3 in the NORBA expert class for cross country.

I had been in talks with Yeti to switch bikes and join their entry level pro guys but they meant moving to Durango full time and leaving everyone back here in shitty Illinois. This was all before I turned 18.

So I chose a much different path for the following 8 years 18-26 was a blast June 1993-June 2011 I was “Leading the Way” on a few adventures all over some fabulous places meeting wonderful people and seeing the world through what were naive country bumpkin eyes to what eventually became cynical eyes that saw the world for what it really was/is through what now my lady friends call dead eyes as well

Now I’m a simple guy with 2 great kids and I still have a buddy at Trek so I have a garage full of bikes again for me and the kiddos it’s fun to see them ride like me on dirt.

The daughter has it for sure on the mountain bike the son is great on his bmx.

Life throws curves, it’s all about swinging to see if you make contact.

 

[1bigun11]

Life throws curves, it?s all about swinging to see if you make contact.

That's a great saying, man. I'll be using that.

 

[Paramuscle]

In the 2nd grade I saved up and got my first bmx bike. I was hooked. I began racing at an early age and had a lot of skill with it. I was crush kids with better bikes and more money.

I eventually moved to road bikes then to mountain bikes.

I raced on the Motorola teen team and keep in mind this was the early 90s. So I got meet the cockiest asshole in the planet on two wheels, Lance Armstrong. I met most of the top stateside pros on road bikes.

I eventually made a solid name for myself on dirt where I was crushing local events and placing top 3 in the NORBA expert class for cross country.

I had been in talks with Yeti to switch bikes and join their entry level pro guys but they meant moving to Durango full time and leaving everyone back here in shitty Illinois. This was all before I turned 18.

So I chose a much different path for the following 8 years 18-26 was a blast June 1993-June 2011 I was ?Leading the Way? on a few adventures all over some fabulous places meeting wonderful people and seeing the world through what were naive country bumpkin eyes to what eventually became cynical eyes that saw the world for what it really was/is through what now my lady friends call dead eyes as well

Now I?m a simple guy with 2 great kids and I still have a buddy at Trek so I have a garage full of bikes again for me and the kiddos it?s fun to see them ride like me on dirt.

The daughter has it for sure on the mountain bike the son is great on his bmx.

Life throws curves, it?s all about swinging to see if you make contact.

See?, That what I am talking about. How freaking cool is that? We all have plans in life and ideas of what we think and how it should go but it rarely works out the way we think it should. There have been so many times out here working and people just assume that everyone workinY background. "I heard (??)" and I usually just give it to them. We all have stories and thanks for sharing Oz.




And wow, "Life throws curves, it?s all about swinging to see if you make contact."


~PM

 

[Paramuscle]

I just read that again and I apologize if it seems like rambling. My hand being cast is causing me some typing issues and I am trying to recognize it and slow down.




~PM

 

[Roughrydr]

You ramble more as you age. Msybe some day you'll become president. Lol

 

[Paramuscle]

You ramble more as you age. Msybe some day you'll become president. Lol

This actually makes sense.




~PM

 

[jrod]

This actually makes sense.




~PM

Or, does it…?…?…?

 

[Dawgpound_Hank]

To begin with, I've been a Browns fan since a kid - yeah I know, just shoot me. My most hated team in the mid 90's was Denver Broncos, for obvious reasons, ie, the fumble, the drive, blah blah. This is all pertinent to the story, so remember that.

So it was around '95 or '96, there was a years period where we were working a shitload of overtime, including weekends, so I didn't have time to hit the clubs as I usually did to hook up with chics as I often did when younger. Hence, I said wtf, and did that treacherous dive into the newspaper classifieds/personals/dating section. I didn't figure much would come out of it, thinking that it must be a bunch of losers/fatties/ugly girls if they had to resort to the personals, but damn, to my surprise, there was some hotties on there who was tired of the club scene and curious. The personals actually did me pretty well getting laid with no qualms, well, until this ONE girl from hell!

Sooooo, this one girl I hooked up with was a nightmare come true. No shiznit! A night I'll never forget. We meet at a restaurant, grab a bite to eat and a couple drinks, and ended up going back to my place. We chilling on the couch, watching a movie, and feeling pretty good from the drinks it wasn't long before the clothes come off.

As I'm laying on top of her, we're kissing and I start to kiss her boobs. After a few mins, she starts crying, saying she can't do this. She reveals that she is married, but separated and going to get a divorce, but still feels awkward bcoz she hasn't been with another guy in 7 years. So I try to lay the ol' DPH 101 smooth talk on her, saying we don't have to "go all the way". I get us a couple more drinks, we continue kissing, dry humping lol, etc etc. I reach down with my hand and she is soaking wet. So being a gentleman, I ask her if she is OK, if all is cool, and she says yes, but still doesn't want to have sex being this is the first date and again, feeling awkward since it's been such a long time. I said it's all good, and ask her if I can fuq her tits haha. She says it's fine. So I do, and right before I get a nutt, I tell her to open wide, figuring she'd prolly say no, but to my surprise she DID, and I jizzed in her mouth and all over her face.

Afterwards, we talked a bit, and she starts saying about how she feels guilty for what we just did, and that she still loves her husband. I tried to console her telling her that if he still feels the same about her and she does him, they should try to work things out being they've been married for 7 years. So she ends getting ready to leave, no plans to hook up again of course, but everything APPEARED to be on a good note. She thanked me for the evening, food and drinks.

Sooooooooooo, here we go haha! Damn I can laugh now, but at the time I was scared shitless! About 4 AM there is a knock on my front door. It was 2 police officers! I believe they were detectives - both dressed in suits, no police uniforms. One male, one female. They asked me about the girl - everything from how we met, to what happened when we were together earlier in the evening. Needless to say I was freaking TF out inside, but remained super calm and told them everything in detail.

So after they hear everything, the female officer said the girl was at the hospital getting her stomach pumped for evidence! Her husband was there too. She said the girl had said that I had forced her to perform oral sex on her. THEN, she added that something just didn't seem right about the girls story - that she had some inconsistencies. She then asked me if I had a room mate. I did, but he was out of town at the time. So thinking I'm going to be arrested and going to jail, I was surprised that they told me they would be contacting me the next day.

Needless to say I didn't sleep a wink after they left, and thinking about all the stories you hear about innocent guys going to prison for some lying biatch making up a story bout being raped or whatnot. Again, freaking TF out! I get a phone call after work the next day. The female officer/detective said they would be coming over shortly. I'm figuring I'm going to jail. They show up, come in, and we all have a seat. She says the girl confessed that she made the story up of me forcing her bcoz she was trying to make her husband jealous! :wallbash: She continued on that she told the girl that my room mate was HOME, upstairs, when she was there the night before, and heard everything, and that he did NOT hear her screaming "STOP" and "DON'T" as the bitch had told them. Apparently that was the catalyst to get the truth out of her, in which she broke down crying.

I was soooo relieved, yet soooo PISSED off. I asked the officers if she is going to be charged with falsely accusing me & about the money spent to get her stomach pumped and all the BS. She said the girl was going to be charged with something that I don't remember exactly and that it would be on her record. End of the day, of ALLLLLL fuqqing places to be from, the girl was from DENVER, CO!!! :at:

Goes without saying, that was my LAST time of ever using the personals/classifeds again! It was also the first/last/only time I had ever been with a girl from fuqqing DENVER!

 

[wallyd]

Bitches be tripping. Hell of a story DPH, glad it worked out like it did!

 

[jrod]

You lost me at Browns fan…

 

[Chooch]

You lost me at Browns fan?

^Im with this guy. Sixburgh baby!!!!! Even though we sucked the last few years and Tomlin needs sold to the circus. Glad you didn?t go to jail btw lol

 

[jrod]

To begin with, I've been a Browns fan since a kid - yeah I know, just shoot me. My most hated team in the mid 90's was Denver Broncos, for obvious reasons, ie, the fumble, the drive, blah blah. This is all pertinent to the story, so remember that.

So it was around '95 or '96, there was a years period where we were working a shitload of overtime, including weekends, so I didn't have time to hit the clubs as I usually did to hook up with chics as I often did when younger. Hence, I said wtf, and did that treacherous dive into the newspaper classifieds/personals/dating section. I didn't figure much would come out of it, thinking that it must be a bunch of losers/fatties/ugly girls if they had to resort to the personals, but damn, to my surprise, there was some hotties on there who was tired of the club scene and curious. The personals actually did me pretty well getting laid with no qualms, well, until this ONE girl from hell!

Sooooo, this one girl I hooked up with was a nightmare come true. No shiznit! A night I'll never forget. We meet at a restaurant, grab a bite to eat and a couple drinks, and ended up going back to my place. We chilling on the couch, watching a movie, and feeling pretty good from the drinks it wasn't long before the clothes come off.

As I'm laying on top of her, we're kissing and I start to kiss her boobs. After a few mins, she starts crying, saying she can't do this. She reveals that she is married, but separated and going to get a divorce, but still feels awkward bcoz she hasn't been with another guy in 7 years. So I try to lay the ol' DPH 101 smooth talk on her, saying we don't have to "go all the way". I get us a couple more drinks, we continue kissing, dry humping lol, etc etc. I reach down with my hand and she is soaking wet. So being a gentleman, I ask her if she is OK, if all is cool, and she says yes, but still doesn't want to have sex being this is the first date and again, feeling awkward since it's been such a long time. I said it's all good, and ask her if I can fuq her tits haha. She says it's fine. So I do, and right before I get a nutt, I tell her to open wide, figuring she'd prolly say no, but to my surprise she DID, and I jizzed in her mouth and all over her face.

Afterwards, we talked a bit, and she starts saying about how she feels guilty for what we just did, and that she still loves her husband. I tried to console her telling her that if he still feels the same about her and she does him, they should try to work things out being they've been married for 7 years. So she ends getting ready to leave, no plans to hook up again of course, but everything APPEARED to be on a good note. She thanked me for the evening, food and drinks.

Sooooooooooo, here we go haha! Damn I can laugh now, but at the time I was scared shitless! About 4 AM there is a knock on my front door. It was 2 police officers! I believe they were detectives - both dressed in suits, no police uniforms. One male, one female. They asked me about the girl - everything from how we met, to what happened when we were together earlier in the evening. Needless to say I was freaking TF out inside, but remained super calm and told them everything in detail.

So after they hear everything, the female officer said the girl was at the hospital getting her stomach pumped for evidence! Her husband was there too. She said the girl had said that I had forced her to perform oral sex on her. THEN, she added that something just didn't seem right about the girls story - that she had some inconsistencies. She then asked me if I had a room mate. I did, but he was out of town at the time. So thinking I'm going to be arrested and going to jail, I was surprised that they told me they would be contacting me the next day.

Needless to say I didn't sleep a wink after they left, and thinking about all the stories you hear about innocent guys going to prison for some lying biatch making up a story bout being raped or whatnot. Again, freaking TF out! I get a phone call after work the next day. The female officer/detective said they would be coming over shortly. I'm figuring I'm going to jail. They show up, come in, and we all have a seat. She says the girl confessed that she made the story up of me forcing her bcoz she was trying to make her husband jealous! :wallbash: She continued on that she told the girl that my room mate was HOME, upstairs, when she was there the night before, and heard everything, and that he did NOT hear her screaming "STOP" and "DON'T" as the bitch had told them. Apparently that was the catalyst to get the truth out of her, in which she broke down crying.

I was soooo relieved, yet soooo PISSED off. I asked the officers if she is going to be charged with falsely accusing me & about the money spent to get her stomach pumped and all the BS. She said the girl was going to be charged with something that I don't remember exactly and that it would be on her record. End of the day, of ALLLLLL fuqqing places to be from, the girl was from DENVER, CO!!! :at:

Goes without saying, that was my LAST time of ever using the personals/classifeds again! It was also the first/last/only time I had ever been with a girl from fuqqing DENVER!

Seriously though, DP, you are very fortunate it didn?t turn ugly. I felt your anxiety reading this. It could have gone bad in so many ways.
Did you ever find out what happened to her lol

 

[Dawgpound_Hank]

Seriously though, DP, you are very fortunate it didn?t turn ugly. I felt your anxiety reading this. It could have gone bad in so many ways.
Did you ever find out what happened to her lol

NOOO idea and didn't want to! Like I said, I never used personals again & never put myself in that position after that. Could be one of those poor innocent suckas doing years for nothing. I just thought it was icing on the cake hearing she was from fuqqing Denver of all places! :at: :wallbash:

 

[Paramuscle]

Bro...... Your story made me think of this one... NO shit, there I was...



So, around the latter portion of 2009, my wife and I got divorced. All my fault, just ask her. Anyway, I actually got the papers in the mail while deployed in Afghanistan ... no shit. doesn't matter now but the point is that while I was divorced, I would use web sites to line up dates. So I had 3 or 4 sites and I would line up chicks and I would rotate states for a month and bang a few and head right back. My rotations were 3-4 months in country and then 30 days out. Something like that.....

So I got this chick that I met online and I see her when I come back. I had my lake house back then and they would come over and we would party and what not.... So the second time I am seeing this chick, the last rotation we had hooked up as well but this time, she is at my lake house when the neighbor called.

Now, the neighbor is this single hippie chick who just liked to call up occasionally and fuck. No big deal, she would call and if I was alone, sometimes we hooked up. So this night she calls and I was halfway drunk and she is like, "can I come by?" I told her this chick was here but come on. See, I know she also digs chicks... Anyway, she swings but the house and I introduce them and before the night is over she has the internet chick on the couch and I have taken up a defensive position behind her.

Now, the next day my phone rings and its her husband. I had no idea... He tells me how he had seen the text messages and the internet messages and he knows that she lied about being single etc. He said she left her small kids alone at home to come to me.... WTF?

He started trying to tell me how she was claim that he was broken down and I picked her up and took her back to my place and forced her to have sex with me. I said, "yeah? Well she tell you I wasn't the only one there and I wasn't the only one who fucked her so we can stop right there". I got witnesses so..... Twice in my life I have had 2 chicks. Once in Thailand and I paid for that and this time and I almost paid for that... Imagine if that chick hadn't been there?





~PM

 

[jrod]

Bro...... Your story made me think of this one... NO shit, there I was...



So, around the latter portion of 2009, my wife and I got divorced. All my fault, just ask her. Anyway, I actually got the papers in the mail while deployed in Afghanistan ... no shit. doesn't matter now but the point is that while I was divorced, I would use web sites to line up dates. So I had 3 or 4 sites and I would line up chicks and I would rotate states for a month and bang a few and head right back. My rotations were 3-4 months in country and then 30 days out. Something like that.....

So I got this chick that I met online and I see her when I come back. I had my lake house back then and they would come over and we would party and what not.... So the second time I am seeing this chick, the last rotation we had hooked up as well but this time, she is at my lake house when the neighbor called.

Now, the neighbor is this single hippie chick who just liked to call up occasionally and fuck. No big deal, she would call and if I was alone, sometimes we hooked up. So this night she calls and I was halfway drunk and she is like, "can I come by?" I told her this chick was here but come on. See, I know she also digs chicks... Anyway, she swings but the house and I introduce them and before the night is over she has the internet chick on the couch and I have taken up a defensive position behind her.

Now, the next day my phone rings and its her husband. I had no idea... He tells me how he had seen the text messages and the internet messages and he knows that she lied about being single etc. He said she left her small kids alone at home to come to me.... WTF?

He started trying to tell me how she was claim that he was broken down and I picked her up and took her back to my place and forced her to have sex with me. I said, "yeah? Well she tell you I wasn't the only one there and I wasn't the only one who fucked her so we can stop right there". I got witnesses so..... Twice in my life I have had 2 chicks. Once in Thailand and I paid for that and this time and I almost paid for that... Imagine if that chick hadn't been there?





~PM

Nice bro.

Unfortunately, we always pay, one one or another. Especially if married!!

 

[BrutalHoney]

Yeesh, my fucked-a-married-woman stories aren't nearly so crazy. Like, at all.

 

[Paramuscle]

Yeesh, my fucked-a-married-woman stories aren't nearly so crazy. Like, at all.

Normally I try to steer clear of that sort of thing but this one snuck up on me and I was younger and it was a time in my life where I was unaware that I was slowly losing control.



~PM