liftsiron
Owner/Admin
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2003
- Messages
- 19,024
Short of a heart attack or bleeding to death, no man shall ride on the back of another man's Harley.
If a tire gets flat and you don't know how to change it, pretend your back is in spasms and lie on the road.
It's a medical fact that if you ask for directions before driving around aimlessly for less than 30 minutes, your testicles will shrivel and fall off.
It's also a medical fact that going to too many chick flicks has a negative effect on you testosterone level. And movies with subtitles can cause your breasts to swell.
If you have a Barcalounger, a TV and beer in the fridge, you are a success, my friend.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
Real men don't eat tofu.
Real men still don't eat quiche.
Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be regarded dubiously until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
Size matters only when it comes to TVs and engines.
It's important to have a fully equipped tool chest, even if you only know how to use the screwdriver.
Two men must never go out for brunch by themselves.
If you go clothes shopping with a friend, you're gay.
It's not gay to have a pedicure if your wife or girlfriend pays for it.
If you have a facial, you're pushing it.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Thou shalt not rent the movie "The English Patient."
Two buddies cannot share popcorn, no matter how large the tub. The danger of hands touching touching is real.
Intimate feelings should be kept to yourself. However, descriptions of intimate bodily functions should be shared generously.
It's OK to cry in front of a woman. However, if a buddy sees you cry, your dick better be caught in a vise.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party is asking for trouble.
If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whomping," then you may sit back and enjoy.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach.....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel....and it's free.
If a tire gets flat and you don't know how to change it, pretend your back is in spasms and lie on the road.
It's a medical fact that if you ask for directions before driving around aimlessly for less than 30 minutes, your testicles will shrivel and fall off.
It's also a medical fact that going to too many chick flicks has a negative effect on you testosterone level. And movies with subtitles can cause your breasts to swell.
If you have a Barcalounger, a TV and beer in the fridge, you are a success, my friend.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
Real men don't eat tofu.
Real men still don't eat quiche.
Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be regarded dubiously until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
Size matters only when it comes to TVs and engines.
It's important to have a fully equipped tool chest, even if you only know how to use the screwdriver.
Two men must never go out for brunch by themselves.
If you go clothes shopping with a friend, you're gay.
It's not gay to have a pedicure if your wife or girlfriend pays for it.
If you have a facial, you're pushing it.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Thou shalt not rent the movie "The English Patient."
Two buddies cannot share popcorn, no matter how large the tub. The danger of hands touching touching is real.
Intimate feelings should be kept to yourself. However, descriptions of intimate bodily functions should be shared generously.
It's OK to cry in front of a woman. However, if a buddy sees you cry, your dick better be caught in a vise.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party is asking for trouble.
If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whomping," then you may sit back and enjoy.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach.....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel....and it's free.
