- Joined
- Oct 8, 2004
- Messages
- 1,279
by candyman @ FG
Top Ten Reasons WHY she's crazy.
Alright, so now we've all learned the top 10 signs that our women are crazy. Now, for those of us who have pissed away a good portion of our life trying to understand WHY, here are a few pointers I've picked up in my day that might aid some of you in your quest for knowledge.
Number 10
She Calls You Endlessly...
This is because women have ESP. They know, instinctively, that we men are not to be trusted. They KNOW when you're at the gym, and that hot blonde you (not so) secretely want is there at the same time. They KNOW when you're up at Hooter's with your guy friends and the real reason you're there is because of that waitress Sylvia with fake bombs who used to strip over at Daisy Duke's by the flyin' j truck stop...They can sense these things, sometimes even from hundreds of miles away, because they've developed a one-way psychic connection with us...while we sleep. That's why any girl I find staring at me when I wake up...I break up with.
Number 9
She's Been In Weird Relationships...
The reason why she's been in weird relationships is basically because she's trying to turn every miserable bastard that comes along into her dad. She wants the same relationship that her parents had, because that was the model she grew up with. I had a girlfriend one time who's mother was extremely angry at her father, but never showed it, never confronted him with it--she bore it all in silence. My gf did the exact same thing, if she was pissed or she thought I did something wrong, she never would talk about it, she just kept all of her unhappiness to herself. It was very unhealthy for the both of us, and I eventually realized it...
Number 8
She Hijacks Your Family and Friends...
BigMOFO essentially got this one right, but it's slightly deeper than that. Their natural instinct to gravitate towards our family members and infiltrate our network is so basic it's scary--they want us to produce THE ROCK. The bigger the better, they want the princess cut, they want the square cut, the want the...who gives a crap. It's just another way for them to get their hooks in us, and must be avoided at all costs. Of course, if your girlfriend avoids your family like the plague like most of mine do (not sure why) then you have nothing to worry about because they have no intention of marrying you.
I also have, on one occassion, had a girlfriend that wanted to meet my family and be close to them because she was so in love with me that she said "she wanted to see how i turned out as great as i did." But she really just wanted the rock. Now I'm not saying she was a gold digger...
Number 7
She Argues In Public
This is easy. You're at the mall. Women are basically creatures of low self-esteem that seek our approval. She noticed the gorgeous brunette at Express checking you out as you both walked past, realized the girl was prettier than her, and decided to mark her territory and let every girl in the area know that you are her man. Some girls display more tact in this category, and will settle for simply holding your hand and occasional kissing in public, or sitting next to you in a restaurant at a table for 4 when there's only 2 of you...
Number 6
She's Unpredictable
Women can be unstable, volatile elements that must be introduced slowly into your life, like tofu into a diet. You don't just jump right in. Good call MOFO...biological clocks and estrogen/progesterone imbalances may be to blame here, but I'm not an endocrinologist. Sometimes an outburst will be precipitated by the sudden realization that they DO want things to move to the next commitment level (I said it!) and they've been lying to themself for so long that nothing but a sudden outburst will do...
Number 5
She Lies Constantly
Sometimes their fantasy world is better than reality. These women (and men) are unhappy with their life, and there's no reason for you to be a part of it. Usually if she's lying to you and others, she's lying to herself, as well.
Number 4
She Interrogates You
This is easy. If she suspects you of cheating, it's because she's been thinking about it herself. If she's suspicious that you are into some girl at the gym/work/whatever, then she's probably into some GUY at the gym/work/whatever. This is a two-way street. Women that love you, and would never think of cheating on you will NEVER BE SUSPICIOUS or interrogate you. And don't EVER tell a girl that you've ever cheated on one of your girlfriends in the past if you have done it. That's like pouring gasoline on an open-flame, my friend. It's fun for a while, you know, it gives you something to do, but in the end it's just like masturbation--it doesn't get you anywhere.
Number 3
She Snoops Around
A friend of mine had this girlfriend one time, we'll call her Chewbaca. Well, Chewbaca would come over to his place and while he was gone, she'd search through his drawers, his cabinets, under his sink, even in his garbage cans for christ's sake!! And sometimes she would find things. Interesting things. Incriminating things...and it all goes back to Number 10. Women have ESP. But like Number 2 says, if you have a woman that trusts you completely, she wouldn't think to do this.
Number 2
She Freaks Over Other Women
Okay, I've covered the low self-esteem thing, I've covered the territorialism thing, but there's one more aspect to this...they want YOU to comfort them. They want you to tell them that they're prettier than that other girl, that they have a better body, that they're smarter, that you love them so much, that they are your princess and that other girl doesn't mean anything to you. Sometimes, women even LIKE to feel jealous of other women. When a woman is not normally a jealous person, but she experiences it for one of the first times with you, it can be a pretty powerful thing. "Holy cow, I've never been jealous before, but I am right now. With HIM. I must really like him..." It's a new feeling for them, something they might like to explore a little bit. You just can't let it get out of hand. Some girls learned jealousy at a much younger age and, unfortunately, equate it with what they think must be love. They bring it into all of their relationships, and it becomes quite difficult for you to maintain your friendships with other women, women who have been in your life since before you even met what's her name...
Number 1
She Stalks You...
I had a stalker one time. It lasted a total of 36 hours and 42 minutes. This is another one, like the compulsive lying, that must be avoided at all costs. This is a warning sign that something is seriously wrong with her, even though it might seem kind of cool at first. This can turn into fatal attraction in a hurry, and before you know it you wake up one morning with a dead rabbit on your back porch and the word "cock guzzler" spray-painted on the back of your dodge neon and vasoline on all of your door handles. It's not pretty, and I don't recommend going through it. They might even pull a Left-Eye and burn down your house. I hope you have insurance...
I write these things partly joking, and partly because, if you really love your woman, and make the masochistic decision to live with her for the rest of your life, you probably would like to understand WHY she does the things she does. If I could wrap it all up, my relationship experience, things I tell myself on a daily basis when I'm out there looking for my future ex-wife, i'd say 1) only date someone that you have a LOT in common with. Music, movies, exercise, these things matter, and 2) only date women who's parents have a healthy relationship...it will eventually make a difference when it comes to that. There are some other things I tell myself, bedroom stuff, but it mostly has to do with tongue rings, lingerie, and whether or not they can suck a golf ball through a 20 foot garden hose, but I'll keep those to myself.
Top Ten Reasons WHY she's crazy.
Alright, so now we've all learned the top 10 signs that our women are crazy. Now, for those of us who have pissed away a good portion of our life trying to understand WHY, here are a few pointers I've picked up in my day that might aid some of you in your quest for knowledge.
Number 10
She Calls You Endlessly...
This is because women have ESP. They know, instinctively, that we men are not to be trusted. They KNOW when you're at the gym, and that hot blonde you (not so) secretely want is there at the same time. They KNOW when you're up at Hooter's with your guy friends and the real reason you're there is because of that waitress Sylvia with fake bombs who used to strip over at Daisy Duke's by the flyin' j truck stop...They can sense these things, sometimes even from hundreds of miles away, because they've developed a one-way psychic connection with us...while we sleep. That's why any girl I find staring at me when I wake up...I break up with.
Number 9
She's Been In Weird Relationships...
The reason why she's been in weird relationships is basically because she's trying to turn every miserable bastard that comes along into her dad. She wants the same relationship that her parents had, because that was the model she grew up with. I had a girlfriend one time who's mother was extremely angry at her father, but never showed it, never confronted him with it--she bore it all in silence. My gf did the exact same thing, if she was pissed or she thought I did something wrong, she never would talk about it, she just kept all of her unhappiness to herself. It was very unhealthy for the both of us, and I eventually realized it...
Number 8
She Hijacks Your Family and Friends...
BigMOFO essentially got this one right, but it's slightly deeper than that. Their natural instinct to gravitate towards our family members and infiltrate our network is so basic it's scary--they want us to produce THE ROCK. The bigger the better, they want the princess cut, they want the square cut, the want the...who gives a crap. It's just another way for them to get their hooks in us, and must be avoided at all costs. Of course, if your girlfriend avoids your family like the plague like most of mine do (not sure why) then you have nothing to worry about because they have no intention of marrying you.
I also have, on one occassion, had a girlfriend that wanted to meet my family and be close to them because she was so in love with me that she said "she wanted to see how i turned out as great as i did." But she really just wanted the rock. Now I'm not saying she was a gold digger...
Number 7
She Argues In Public
This is easy. You're at the mall. Women are basically creatures of low self-esteem that seek our approval. She noticed the gorgeous brunette at Express checking you out as you both walked past, realized the girl was prettier than her, and decided to mark her territory and let every girl in the area know that you are her man. Some girls display more tact in this category, and will settle for simply holding your hand and occasional kissing in public, or sitting next to you in a restaurant at a table for 4 when there's only 2 of you...
Number 6
She's Unpredictable
Women can be unstable, volatile elements that must be introduced slowly into your life, like tofu into a diet. You don't just jump right in. Good call MOFO...biological clocks and estrogen/progesterone imbalances may be to blame here, but I'm not an endocrinologist. Sometimes an outburst will be precipitated by the sudden realization that they DO want things to move to the next commitment level (I said it!) and they've been lying to themself for so long that nothing but a sudden outburst will do...
Number 5
She Lies Constantly
Sometimes their fantasy world is better than reality. These women (and men) are unhappy with their life, and there's no reason for you to be a part of it. Usually if she's lying to you and others, she's lying to herself, as well.
Number 4
She Interrogates You
This is easy. If she suspects you of cheating, it's because she's been thinking about it herself. If she's suspicious that you are into some girl at the gym/work/whatever, then she's probably into some GUY at the gym/work/whatever. This is a two-way street. Women that love you, and would never think of cheating on you will NEVER BE SUSPICIOUS or interrogate you. And don't EVER tell a girl that you've ever cheated on one of your girlfriends in the past if you have done it. That's like pouring gasoline on an open-flame, my friend. It's fun for a while, you know, it gives you something to do, but in the end it's just like masturbation--it doesn't get you anywhere.
Number 3
She Snoops Around
A friend of mine had this girlfriend one time, we'll call her Chewbaca. Well, Chewbaca would come over to his place and while he was gone, she'd search through his drawers, his cabinets, under his sink, even in his garbage cans for christ's sake!! And sometimes she would find things. Interesting things. Incriminating things...and it all goes back to Number 10. Women have ESP. But like Number 2 says, if you have a woman that trusts you completely, she wouldn't think to do this.
Number 2
She Freaks Over Other Women
Okay, I've covered the low self-esteem thing, I've covered the territorialism thing, but there's one more aspect to this...they want YOU to comfort them. They want you to tell them that they're prettier than that other girl, that they have a better body, that they're smarter, that you love them so much, that they are your princess and that other girl doesn't mean anything to you. Sometimes, women even LIKE to feel jealous of other women. When a woman is not normally a jealous person, but she experiences it for one of the first times with you, it can be a pretty powerful thing. "Holy cow, I've never been jealous before, but I am right now. With HIM. I must really like him..." It's a new feeling for them, something they might like to explore a little bit. You just can't let it get out of hand. Some girls learned jealousy at a much younger age and, unfortunately, equate it with what they think must be love. They bring it into all of their relationships, and it becomes quite difficult for you to maintain your friendships with other women, women who have been in your life since before you even met what's her name...
Number 1
She Stalks You...
I had a stalker one time. It lasted a total of 36 hours and 42 minutes. This is another one, like the compulsive lying, that must be avoided at all costs. This is a warning sign that something is seriously wrong with her, even though it might seem kind of cool at first. This can turn into fatal attraction in a hurry, and before you know it you wake up one morning with a dead rabbit on your back porch and the word "cock guzzler" spray-painted on the back of your dodge neon and vasoline on all of your door handles. It's not pretty, and I don't recommend going through it. They might even pull a Left-Eye and burn down your house. I hope you have insurance...
I write these things partly joking, and partly because, if you really love your woman, and make the masochistic decision to live with her for the rest of your life, you probably would like to understand WHY she does the things she does. If I could wrap it all up, my relationship experience, things I tell myself on a daily basis when I'm out there looking for my future ex-wife, i'd say 1) only date someone that you have a LOT in common with. Music, movies, exercise, these things matter, and 2) only date women who's parents have a healthy relationship...it will eventually make a difference when it comes to that. There are some other things I tell myself, bedroom stuff, but it mostly has to do with tongue rings, lingerie, and whether or not they can suck a golf ball through a 20 foot garden hose, but I'll keep those to myself.
