- Joined
- Aug 27, 2003
- Messages
- 448
thanks to Ernie of EHOWA.com
so scary true and hilarious.
________________
Aetna Health Insurance Sucks.
So it's allergy season here in sunny (ha!) New England, which means it's time to refill my prescription of Allegra. I pull out the bottle I last had filled in October, and sure enough the prescription is good until October of this year and there's three refills left. Cool. That means no trip to the doc, just hop online to the pharmacy, click, click, click and bingo go pick it up. Right? WRONG.
You see, you can often gauge the worth of your employer by what choices they offer for health insurance. Clearly I work for the next Enron since we are forced to use the piece of shit Aetna, which shall henceforth be known as My Piece Of Shit Health Insurance Company (MPOFHIC).
I swing down to the local pharmacy and ask to pick up my much needed allergy meds -- my throat has been sore from all kinds of green shit running down the back of my throat for the past three days -- and no I have not sucked off The Hulk. "Sorry," the woman behind the counter says, "YPOFHIC has denied the charge." Somehow, this doesn't surprise me since I know, well, Aetna sucks. So I ask the obvious question, "Why?" "This medication needs to be pre-approved."
Now excuse me, but doesn't that kind of sound like a requirement that a fucking prescription fulfills? I mean hey, leave it to me to interpret the word literally. But I know it's not Ms Pharmacist's fault so no use freaking on her, so I drive back to the office and call MPOFHIC toee just how they fucked up this time. Keep in mind this is the same company who denied a co-worker's office visit fee when he had a cold, since Aetna wanted proof it wasn't a pre-existing condition. No shit.
I manage to force my way through all of their voice driven menu systems ("you rotten cocksucker" is not recognized, btw) and after about ten fucking minutes get some useless abortion on the other end of the phone. Normally I'm pretty easy going, but at this point I'm miserable and pissed off.
Me: "Why was my prescription denied?"
Cunt: "Because it wasn't pre-approved."
Me: "Uh. What does that mean, 'preapproved'?"
Cunt: "By your primary care physician."
Me: "But he's the one who wrote the prescription."
Cunt: "Right but he didn't approve it as necessary."
Me: "Are you kidding me?"
Cunt: "No Sir."
Me: "So you're telling me even through he wrote the prescription, a prescription for the same medication I've been taking for the past four years, suddenly now you say it's not necessary?"
Cunt: "Well Sir he just has to say..."
Me: "I'm not asking for the cure to cancer here, just my allergy medication. You know, the same stuff I've taken every summer for the past four years. And now you're saying it's not necessary. That's fucking stupid."
Cunt: "Sir, there's no reason for that lanugage. Your doctor just has to call our prescription department and let us know the prescription is necessary."
Me: "So what other kinds of prescriptions are there?"
Cunt: "I can't answer that question, Sir.
Me: "So how does my doctor tell the bunch of monkeys you got working over there that the medication he's already wrote the prescription for, is in fact really necessary and not just imaginary necessary?"
Cunt: "He has to call 800-###-####, option #2.
Me: "And then how long does it take to get updated in your system?"
Cunt: "It should be immediate."
Me: "Marvelous."
Cunt: "Anything else I can do for you today Sir?"
Me: "I hope you die."
Now I know this isn't a medical emergency or anything, but what the fuck? So I call my doc and explain the situation to one of his staff gals. I am comforted when it appears she is painfully familiar with this situation, as apparently she's gone through it before for pther patients. What the fuck? Since when is a doctor writing down on a piece of paper, "Joe Schmoe needs [this] medication," NOT good enough? No wonder why people freak out on their insurance companies so much. It's like now we have to run a fucking gauntlet to prove we're worthy of our medication?
So my doctor makes the call, and MPOFHIC in their unending mercy, "approves" me to take for Allegra for a whole fucking year. Yippi-dee-fucking-doo-dah day. Thank you Oh Sweet Merciful Aetna. You know, I'm the kind of guy these assholes make millions off of. In the past ten years, I've used my health insurance a grand total of two times, excluding my annual four month dose of allergy meds. Not anymore baby. I'm gonna get this shit refilled every fucking month for the next 12 months. I'm going to schedule a physical. And blood tests. I'm gonna go in for every little nit-picking-fucking thing. Bang my knee riding? Doctor visit. Sniffles? Doctor visit. Nick my balls shaving? Doctor visit. Shit, I just might go in and pillow bite my way through a fucking proctological exam, if it'll cost MPOFHIC more money.
Well, I'll end this update now, since I HAVE TO GO BLOW MY FUCKING NOSE. Waste my time, you useless cocksuckers? I'll get the last laugh. Aetna you suck
__________________
so scary true and hilarious.
________________
Aetna Health Insurance Sucks.
So it's allergy season here in sunny (ha!) New England, which means it's time to refill my prescription of Allegra. I pull out the bottle I last had filled in October, and sure enough the prescription is good until October of this year and there's three refills left. Cool. That means no trip to the doc, just hop online to the pharmacy, click, click, click and bingo go pick it up. Right? WRONG.
You see, you can often gauge the worth of your employer by what choices they offer for health insurance. Clearly I work for the next Enron since we are forced to use the piece of shit Aetna, which shall henceforth be known as My Piece Of Shit Health Insurance Company (MPOFHIC).
I swing down to the local pharmacy and ask to pick up my much needed allergy meds -- my throat has been sore from all kinds of green shit running down the back of my throat for the past three days -- and no I have not sucked off The Hulk. "Sorry," the woman behind the counter says, "YPOFHIC has denied the charge." Somehow, this doesn't surprise me since I know, well, Aetna sucks. So I ask the obvious question, "Why?" "This medication needs to be pre-approved."
Now excuse me, but doesn't that kind of sound like a requirement that a fucking prescription fulfills? I mean hey, leave it to me to interpret the word literally. But I know it's not Ms Pharmacist's fault so no use freaking on her, so I drive back to the office and call MPOFHIC toee just how they fucked up this time. Keep in mind this is the same company who denied a co-worker's office visit fee when he had a cold, since Aetna wanted proof it wasn't a pre-existing condition. No shit.
I manage to force my way through all of their voice driven menu systems ("you rotten cocksucker" is not recognized, btw) and after about ten fucking minutes get some useless abortion on the other end of the phone. Normally I'm pretty easy going, but at this point I'm miserable and pissed off.
Me: "Why was my prescription denied?"
Cunt: "Because it wasn't pre-approved."
Me: "Uh. What does that mean, 'preapproved'?"
Cunt: "By your primary care physician."
Me: "But he's the one who wrote the prescription."
Cunt: "Right but he didn't approve it as necessary."
Me: "Are you kidding me?"
Cunt: "No Sir."
Me: "So you're telling me even through he wrote the prescription, a prescription for the same medication I've been taking for the past four years, suddenly now you say it's not necessary?"
Cunt: "Well Sir he just has to say..."
Me: "I'm not asking for the cure to cancer here, just my allergy medication. You know, the same stuff I've taken every summer for the past four years. And now you're saying it's not necessary. That's fucking stupid."
Cunt: "Sir, there's no reason for that lanugage. Your doctor just has to call our prescription department and let us know the prescription is necessary."
Me: "So what other kinds of prescriptions are there?"
Cunt: "I can't answer that question, Sir.
Me: "So how does my doctor tell the bunch of monkeys you got working over there that the medication he's already wrote the prescription for, is in fact really necessary and not just imaginary necessary?"
Cunt: "He has to call 800-###-####, option #2.
Me: "And then how long does it take to get updated in your system?"
Cunt: "It should be immediate."
Me: "Marvelous."
Cunt: "Anything else I can do for you today Sir?"
Me: "I hope you die."
Now I know this isn't a medical emergency or anything, but what the fuck? So I call my doc and explain the situation to one of his staff gals. I am comforted when it appears she is painfully familiar with this situation, as apparently she's gone through it before for pther patients. What the fuck? Since when is a doctor writing down on a piece of paper, "Joe Schmoe needs [this] medication," NOT good enough? No wonder why people freak out on their insurance companies so much. It's like now we have to run a fucking gauntlet to prove we're worthy of our medication?
So my doctor makes the call, and MPOFHIC in their unending mercy, "approves" me to take for Allegra for a whole fucking year. Yippi-dee-fucking-doo-dah day. Thank you Oh Sweet Merciful Aetna. You know, I'm the kind of guy these assholes make millions off of. In the past ten years, I've used my health insurance a grand total of two times, excluding my annual four month dose of allergy meds. Not anymore baby. I'm gonna get this shit refilled every fucking month for the next 12 months. I'm going to schedule a physical. And blood tests. I'm gonna go in for every little nit-picking-fucking thing. Bang my knee riding? Doctor visit. Sniffles? Doctor visit. Nick my balls shaving? Doctor visit. Shit, I just might go in and pillow bite my way through a fucking proctological exam, if it'll cost MPOFHIC more money.
Well, I'll end this update now, since I HAVE TO GO BLOW MY FUCKING NOSE. Waste my time, you useless cocksuckers? I'll get the last laugh. Aetna you suck
__________________
