Home invasion, I need help!

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mrhtbd

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I am cowering in the den, hiding, and fearing for my life.
My home has been invaded by a dozen 11-year-old girls, plus two 6 year olds (my daughter and her friend).
They've been screaming and running wild for hours, with no end in sight.
I almost asked them to be quiet, once, but I caught myself before the words slipped out. I thought better of it. They outnumber me by a margin, a big margin.
I thought my wife was supposed to be in charge, but found her hiding in our bedroom. "It's only a birthday party," I said, "it'll be over soon, right?"
"No," she said, "it's a...(wait for it)...sleepover!"
"Whaaaat?"
Well, I cut the rest of the wood, I put up more Christmas lights, I got the ice cream cake and pizza, I fed them, I made a fire, and now they are wound up, running and screaming, with no end in sight (and it's only 9 o'clock).
My wife's gonna owe me bigtime for abandonning me in my time of need.
They just got done making dresses out of toilet paper, and had several fashion shows, crazy, fun, crazy fun, ha.
I need to find a hocky game on, but first, I have to collect all the toilet paper, and after that I'm telling the Mrs' that's she's got the second shift! LOLOL
I heard them wispering they are staying up until five in the morning, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Someone with a four-wheeler (preferably with a gun rack and some hound-dogs) please come by and insist I go with you to repair a tractor or something, because I'm afraid of ever seeing the dawn!
Opps, just heard something crash upstairs, hope no-one will see me hiding behind this chair.
So much for my redone floor.
 

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Here's what I would do my friend, go find momma's nerve meds take to with some vodka or captain morgan get nice and calm get two mor big wads of the toliet paper one for moms mouth(so the kids don't hear the screaming) and one to wipe things up with go give her a good pounding! then take yourself a real good nap behind locked doors of course to prevent shaving cream to the face one your passed out.. get up first thing while mom and girls are sleeping and leave out a really large supply of cleaning goodies along with a note stating you have been kidnapped and will not be returned until demads have been met, House must be cleaned,hot breakfast on table along with a promissory note from mom for a weeks worth of blow job for enduring such a ordeal and have it sent to local gym or bar depending upon what time demads are met..
 
The joys of having Children my friend, drop a valium or 6 sit in a corner it will soon pass lol
 
The joys of having Children my friend, drop a valium or 6 sit in a corner it will soon pass lol

LMAO, I like how you think! over the years they have became my friends valium that is.. These kids drive me crazy.. Son turned 19 today..
 
LMAO--when i saw the title i was like fuck this is gonna suck dude got robbed--and after reading it, it was way worse then i could imagine!
 
THis happens to me often bro. Last time one of the girls called 911 from the family room because the older ones were knocking on the windows around Halloween. Explain to cops that eveythings OK and the screaming women is normal in your home.
 
Enjoy it while it lasts.....Before you know it all they will care about is boys and all you will care about is making sure they are not sneaking them in their room at night.....Good luck
 

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