I'm bored - Mental Dribble like women do...

I like this. I get to see the Darkness come over the brain like a slick of blood running down the wall of a nursery.
 
When I was a boy I used to have this dream frequently that I was being chased. For the last week, almost every night I have this dream where I am chasing someone. It goes on and on and I can feel every dig of my shoes, head down, eyes up, powering towards the victim as they flee in terror. So far, out of 6 victims, I only caught the fat lady. She almost got away, but hey it was a fat lady. I woke up as I had her on the ground with a full mount and could not tell if I was going to kill her, rape her, or both.

The only one I knew was whatshername, who I almost caught. I am certain I was going to dismember her when I caught her.

Today someone told me my daughter's BF had gotten rough with her. I made a phone call to a friend who helped me understand what I was telling him would have me be charged as Murder One and result in the electric chair. So I calmed down and did the best I could taking his suggestions...

I tool the little fucker out for ice cream with my daughter. I love ice cream. When I brought it up they both tried to crawl under the table as I explained with a big convincing smile where the shallow grave was and obviously I was aware that the body would need "prepped" in a certain way before burial. Both denied the situation.

Here is what I think after talking with them and being a very smart man and a sick motherfucker: I think they are too loud with each other, argue alot, way too jealous, and say shit to each other that makes each other cry. I think my daughter took one of these situations and embellished it. It had better be.

If I am correct, I may have runied the poor little fucker. He will probably give her her way in every disagreement now and she will probably tell him shit like "I'll call Dad..."

I feel better. Kinda.

Is my thinking normal? Do I seem OK to you guys?
 
See being over protective isn't bad. You know how I am you were much calmer than I would have been.
 
ozzy69 said:
See being over protective isn't bad. You know how I am you were much calmer than I would have been.
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I was in no way being over protective. They are 16 yo kids and had what is potentially an adult issue. THis isnt a little league game
 
I congratulate you sir on being a good parent.

I don't what happened to the old ways of raising kids most people now are afraid to tell their children no about anything.
 
I can tell the tren has kicked into full high gear. That little phenomenon is happening everywhere I go. Its the pheremones...
 
Darkness said:
I was in no way being over protective. They are 16 yo kids and had what is potentially an adult issue. THis isnt a little league game
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I think you miss understood that I meant. What I meant was that when it comes to our children no matter the situation we would kill someone if they ever hurt them. You know I'm just a number away if you need anything bro.
 
I woke up this morning with slober running down my face . looked into the mirror and seen a weak drooling turd with veins and muscles popping out everywhere.
Even at its shinest moment the saying goes like this
" You can only polish a turd so long and at the end of the day its still a turd just shinyr"

I need back "on"............Slobering , jibberish , drooling , saggy eyeballs and vagisil....
Thats my mental dribble ....or drool whatever it may be

And wtf is wrong with my damn dinker,,,,it doesnt wink at me anymore, lays there like a lifeless little tool in which I feel I should be smashing with a wooden mallot to get its attention ....
 
50 is the new 30. Bull shit. I was at Judo 10 days ago free fighting with a young buck. Later that night all the arthritis kicked in. At some point I must have taken a heal to the back of the knee. By the morning the whole knee was rough. I went for a light jog to help loosen it up. Then my brother arrived here in Rome and we walked about 50 kilometers touristing. The knees were not happy. Saturday rolled around and I had to get down to Judo. The young buck would not even make eye contact with me for the first hour. probably a good thing for both of us. Well the training was really hard none the less and then the next day was more touristing and another 10 kilometers of walking and climbing. By Monday when my brother and his girl left my knees were just a mess. Both were swollen and sore. Here it is Wednesday morning and they are feeling better. I took Monday and Tuesday to rest and stretch. I will probably live and I'll make Judo next Saturday. Light lifting today and Friday.

I made some friends Saturday night in downtown Rome and a pretty girl is now teaching me Italian over espresso at noon each day. I guess I shouldn't complain about being a little banged up. i made another friend, an older man, a scientist around the corner from the lab I am working in. He is from 2 towns over from the town my father's side is from. He has offered to take me there, and he being a native speaker, maybe i can find some relatives. Life is good.

As far as hormones, I have been on TRT for about 8 weeks. I am now using some hCG to get the balls back up to size. Test has been between 150 and 200 mg/w. That is enough to keep the metabolism highish and recover pretty well from hard workouts despite the old bones. So much of looking good is diet. I think it goes in order of importance, 1. diet, 2. training intensity, 3. rest, 4. hormone "optimization" . Then again some Primo in the mix would be nice.

/drivel

Edit; i took some of this shit out. Seemed like an asshole bragging or something.
 
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What do you guys think about this low tox cycle?

1-12 Test 200 mg
1-12 Primo 400 mg
6-12 Anavar 40 mg/d
1-12 GH 2 iu 5D/w

I know it is pretty low dose but you guys know my range. I think some of you guys saw a log I had where I went from 196 to 230 on 200 test and 200 NPP in 8 weeks. Then down to a hard lean 215 on 300 test/300Mast/200 Win. So for me 150 is TRT, 400 is a decent cycle and 1000 is my absolute max.

I'm looking for something to accent my diet and training. I only used the Primo orals many years ago so the injectable depot I have never used. i gut tells me that 600 mg of real pharma primo will be morw than enough for most guys. Primobolan is used in stroke rehabilitation at 100 mg/w. So, 400 mg/w is 4x the therapeutic/pharmacologic dose. So I figure for an athlete with lots of years pounding his body hard 400 mg/w should be plenty.

Anavar does good for me at 40 mg/d with just a TRT test base and some GHRP. That's what I was on in my Avi. for burns and recovery from malnutrition or surgery therapeutic dose is 10-20 mg/d. For AIDS wasting it is 80 mg/d. AIDS wasting is an absolute shit storm and these guys can get pretty buff on their little TRT test and 80 mg Anavar a day. 40mg/d should be a decent dose.

Test is test and men need test to keep the cylinders all firing. 200 mg gets me to ~1350 or 1/8 over top of the normal range. I can hold a lean 195 on 150 mg/w. Diet, training, and 35 years in the gym. the biggest difference to being completely off and 150 mg/w is going from 1000 ng/dL to 500-600 ng/dL. That translates to about 3-4% more body fat at the same weight, ~same diet, roughly same training. Adding in the Anavar and Primo goodies + good training/diet etc goes to fuller, leaner, and a few lbs more of muscle, harder more frequent workouts.

GH at 2 iu is basically putting me a little higher than normal range with the Hyge I have. That gets me to better recovery and slightly better nutrient partitioning and better sleep. I guess that is partially redundant.

Anyways just thinking out load.

Not sure when I'll be doing this. I want to be able to concentrate on a physical goal when this is in place and not just a shits and giggles kind of thing. Right now I'm not training really hard on a consistent basis. 3 days in the weight gym and one grapple a week. I'm enjoying the food over here a couple of days a week and when relatives come to visit I am in full happy mode with wine and fine foods. It's time to enjoy at the moment. After I get back to the States I should be relaxed and rested. At least that is the goal. then there is a few months from hell at work to deal with some big events so probably no time for a decent physical goal so probably some more months of TRT but maybe add some GHRP. I didn't bring any for fear of the laws here. The BSD at work should be done by April so maybe May would be a good time.

not really sure about what the physical goal should be. In my warped mind I fantasize about doing the Judo Masters Nationals but i need at least a year back on the mat before I start hitting shiai. Then it is careful choice of shiai to avoid injuries. i wuld need at last 3-4 shiai before a national event. Then again Masters competition in the 50 - 54 age category is not like Senior men's competition. if I was to do something like this the performance enhancers use would be completely different. I am talking upper quartile of normal range test and maybe a little Anavar. Line 125 mg test a week and 20 mg Anavar a day. That is what works and only twice in all my years of competition was I on something during a competition. The AAS were used for the heavy training beforehand. the competition happened a month or more later. Use into competition was low dose low aromatization if done. Some guys used GH way back when in the early 90s. Completely different goal than BBing. You want to perform at the highest fitness level. Think GSP versus Kai Green. Anyhow, i am old and busted up and here I am looking to get into it with a bunch of old and busted up assholes like me.

Ok enough stream of consciousness for one day.
 
I like that cycle G. I have never used primo but I am thinking that needs to become a staple for me in my cycles, given what I am trying to do and the body style I have. I think maybe 6 or 8 hundred migs of it for several years along with a little test as a base then I can rotate other stuff in and out of the cycles.
 
You guys ever have one of those moments when all is quiet and ask yourself a question like this?.....

"Do I do the things I do because I'm crazy, or am I crazy because I do the things that I do? If I stop doing crazy things, why do I feel more crazy? If I do more crazy things, will I feel normal? Should I add more tren and maybe some dbol to this cycle?"
 
Darkness said:
You guys ever have one of those moments when all is quiet and ask yourself a question like this?.....

"Do I do the things I do because I'm crazy, or am I crazy because I do the things that I do? If I stop doing crazy things, why do I feel more crazy? If I do more crazy things, will I feel normal? Should I add more tren and maybe some dbol to this cycle?"
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Wait 2-3 weeks when you are just about to make the tren leap and then add them. You know the Tren leap, when you get bigger and leaner all at the same time. You will have an instant freak factor.
 
Glycomann said:
Wait 2-3 weeks when you are just about to make the tren leap and then add them. You know the Tren leap, when you get bigger and leaner all at the same time. You will have an instant freak factor.
Click to expand...

Yes my friend.... you are right again....
 
I often find myself wondering how can a man have everything but yet in his mind he has nothing.....
I find myself pondering on the idea that something is missing but in reality nothing is missing except a few screws in my melon...
 
There is a world wide shortage of melon screws man. Everyone is running a few short.
 
The danger is when something/someone appears on your life that fills the gaps where the missing puzzle pieces should be.
 
Then there is a great fear that the complete puzzle will never be felt again once the gap filler is removed.
 
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