My father said the strangest thing to me tonight

O

ozzy69

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Staff member
I don't have the best relationship with my parents and some of you know that. Doing my usual call to check on my father to see if the ice and snow knocked out power etc....

At the end of the conversation he says to me "hey I just want you to know that I'm proud of the man you became, son you are great father and achieved more than I ever could have, make sure you take the time to enjoy your children more than I did and don't live your life with regrets like I do."

I instantly changed the subject to my regretting not seeing more football games when I was in college and hoping to one day see notre dame play because I live only a couple hours away from south bend.

I don't know what brought that on? I know he is gonna have back surgery again on December 26th. I just don't get it.

I guess it kind of messed with my head. Sorry to post this guys but I honestly don't feel like talking about this with my wife or my buddy's here and some of you guys are more like brothers than my own brothers.
 
I dont know how old he is oz but it sounds to me like he could be regretting not being a better father to you or that he may be worried about not living through the surgery. Again age and the type of back surgery can be a largely worrisome event for someone older. Especially the problems that can ensue from it or the recovery in general. A wrong move on the docs part and he could be paralyzed or worse. Probably trying his best to tell you he loves you man. I would call him and tell him you love him (if you actually do) and reassure him he is going to be ok and maybe if you feel like it offer to be there to support him. Just my personal opinion man. Hope it helps and Ill say a prayer for your dad. Surgery is scary shit.
 
was your dad the type of man where providing for his family took precedence over most other things.. thats most likely where this could be coming from.

I find myself in that same type of situation. work comes first and usually due to my work schedule, just how far I have to drive and how tired I am at the end of the day. some kid's functions get passed up.. But I have been trying due to not wanting to reflect back as your dad is doing right now.

It's never too late to change .. so you do what you can to both your children and even one step further.. what you could be doing with your dad. You could even invite him to your child's functions
 
Take it from an old man with a 30 year old son and a 24 year old son and three grandkids and counting. At times we get reflective and look back at all the things we did and what we could have done better. I have told both of my sons very similar things, not because I think I'm dying, even though I'm closer today than I was yesterday. But rather just to say I love you and am proud of you and I just want you to know that.
It's cool Oz. You'll understand in 20 more years.
 
basskiller said:
was your dad the type of man where providing for his family took precedence over most other things.. thats most likely where this could be coming from.

I find myself in that same type of situation. work comes first and usually due to my work schedule, just how far I have to drive and how tired I am at the end of the day. some kid's functions get passed up.. But I have been trying due to not wanting to reflect back as your dad is doing right now.

It's never too late to change .. so you do what you can to both your children and even one step further.. what you could be doing with your dad. You could even invite him to your child's functions
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bufbiker said:
Take it from an old man with a 30 year old son and a 24 year old son and three grandkids and counting. At times we get reflective and look back at all the things we did and what we could have done better. I have told both of my sons very similar things, not because I think I'm dying, even though I'm closer today than I was yesterday. But rather just to say I love you and am proud of you and I just want you to know that.
It's cool Oz. You'll understand in 20 more years.
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Words of wisdom right there. Well said.
 
A father seeking peace through reconciliation with a son he loves but knows he has wronged.
You know what those things are because you have vowed to be different with your children.
That those things still cause you serious pain is reflected in how quickly you deflected him and changed the subject to ND.
Want to take a risk and gain some real healing and peace for your soul?
Sit with him and look him square in the face and tell him what those words meant to you.
Have a real conversation about what matters.
I wish I had my dad here to Talk to. I would understand his life and the decisions he made better.
 
Sounds like your Dad is simply reaching out to you to make amends. Hopefully he feels better about the whole situation for having done so.
 
Darkness said:
Sounds like your Dad is simply reaching out to you to make amends. Hopefully he feels better about the whole situation for having done so.
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Thing is I forgave him a long time ago and I told him before that I'm fine with what happened in life. I guess that isn't enough at times
 
ozzy69 said:
Thing is I forgave him a long time ago and I told him before that I'm fine with what happened in life. I guess that isn't enough at times
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Dude, it is never enough. If there has been acceptance that you screwed up with your kids, that regret will always be there. No words can completely heal that feeling of guilt for what you put your kids through.
I don't talk much about what my wife and kids had to go through over the years because of me, but they went through hell. Gone for days, weeks at a time. Illegal activity around the house 24/7. Guns, drugs, women, real biker trash in and out, smacking the boys because they were playing and I had been up for three days straight and Daddy was ready to crash..... I really don't even want to take this any further or I'll be feeling lke a peice of dirt or worse.
I have a great relationship with both of my sons now and they are both pretty well adjusted kids. My 30 year old is pretty scarred from how he was raised, but he's risen above it somehow.
To say that their forgiveness isn't enough at times does not even come close to express the regret and guilt I feel sometimes.
Dude I've got tears streaming down my face as I'm typing this.
 
Yep

Yep

bufbiker said:
Dude, it is never enough. If there has been acceptance that you screwed up with your kids, that regret will always be there. No words can completely heal that feeling of guilt for what you put your kids through.
I don't talk much about what my wife and kids had to go through over the years because of me, but they went through hell. Gone for days, weeks at a time. Illegal activity around the house 24/7. Guns, drugs, women, real biker trash in and out, smacking the boys because they were playing and I had been up for three days straight and Daddy was ready to crash..... I really don't even want to take this any further or I'll be feeling lke a peice of dirt or worse.
I have a great relationship with both of my sons now and they are both pretty well adjusted kids. My 30 year old is pretty scarred from how he was raised, but he's risen above it somehow.
To say that their forgiveness isn't enough at times does not even come close to express the regret and guilt I feel sometimes.
Dude I've got tears streaming down my face as I'm typing this.
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Good contrition Good heart. You are on the right track. The final and complete reconciliation is coming.
 
ozzy69 said:
Thing is I forgave him a long time ago and I told him before that I'm fine with what happened in life. I guess that isn't enough at times
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Well I tell my son how proud I am of him and express regret that I was a neglectful, abusive, drunken fuckstick, about every six months to a year or so. I don't do it to wallow in it, or to make him feel better, because we are already friends now. Rather it is for me, and just to let him know that his new thinking and actions is what got him to where he is, despite having a jackass for a dad the first half of his life.

The message is more of a peer to peer conversation now, and translates "keep it up you little fucker you;re doing so good. See how much better living how you live works than how I lived? Evidence :) "
 
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Darkness said:
Well I tell my son how proud I am of him and express regret that I was a neglectful, abusive, drunken fuckstick, about every six months to a year or so. I don't do it to wallow in it, or to make him feel better, because we are already friends now. Rather it is for me, and just to let him know that his new thinking and actions is what got him to where he is, despite having a jackass for a dad the first half of his life.

The message is more of a peer to peer conversation now, and translates "keep it up you little fucker you;re doing so good. See how much better living how you live works than how I lived? Evidence :) "
Click to expand...

Well put!
 
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