antihero said:
i like ron white, but personally i think the best comedian out there is lewis black...thats laugh your ass off material...
I LOVE Lewis Black!
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Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren?t for my horse, I wouldn?t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go ? "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
- Lewis Black
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But those aren't the flavors. That'd make too much sense. Apple and pear, according to Dr. Phil, are body types the bars are made for. Hey, I've got some advice. If you look like an apple or a pear, eat an apple or a pear! [On Dr. Phil's energy bars]
- Lewis Black
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Candy Corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
- Lewis Black
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I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. (on his political views)
- Lewis Black
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In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.
- Lewis Black
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Let's face it, Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we're forced to visit.
- Lewis Black
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MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!
- Lewis Black
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The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" [On Boston traffic]
- Lewis Black
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The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.
- Lewis Black
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Turns out we've all been eating the wrong thing...since the dawn of civilization! [On the Atkins Diet]
- Lewis Black
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You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal.
- Lewis Black