- Joined
- Oct 8, 2004
- Messages
- 1,292
Ok, I have been talking to the ex old lady on and off again. Nothing like seeing each other or anything but I do text message her from time to time from work on my computer checking up on her.
Well first off she just moved back into her parents house from where she was living. So she is just back there after being out of the house for a few years. Well after we decided to take a break, broke up for good, or who the fuck knows she kinda went off the deep end. She was out drinking, partying and doing God only knows what. I knew it was bad when I went to see her at her work a few weeks ago and she had lost about 20lbs.
She wasn't looking too good at all, I told her she needed to start eating more and quit missing meals, etc, etc. She told me she was trying to do this modeling thing and needed to lose some weight as this guy would do her portfolio for free she just had to lose a little more weight. Well, there wasn't much more to lose, and she wasn't looking good. I kinda figured she might of been up to no good but I just kept my mouth shut as it really isn't my place to say anything as it would of just ended up in an argument and thats not what i wanted to happen.
Well, we went our seperate ways and she did her thing and I did mine, well you know what happened just recently if you read my thread I made the other day. I know for a fact that she had nothing to do with it other than dating the fucking idiot, but I know she would not ever want me to get hurt. If she left the hospital where he was at to come to my house to make sure I was alright then that shows me to. I dont know if she was dating him to piss me off, or what I really don't even want to think about it to tell you the truth.
Actually I am even more pissed about the whole ordeal cuz I was talking to a buddy I used to hang with and he was telling me how they (my ex and old friend) were out partying alot and doing coke together. I confronted my EX about this and she finally admitted to me that she has been doing it every now and then. Working the bar as a bartender and drinking all the time and being in that life style for so long has taken a toll on the worse for her. I have actually seen it happen right in front of my eyes while we were dating.....
Welll anyways......where was I?.......Ok, I text her today as we do have alot of shit that needs to be cleared up between us and just need to get alot of stuff off our chests. I figured she might want to talk tonight after I got off of work. She told me that her Parents popped a drug test on her. Well I know for a fact they found pot in there any maybe even coke. But she did tell me that she told her Mom everything. I know that her Mom is like the WORLD to her and I can only imagine how bad she hurt her Mom as they are SO SO close. My EX is 24, and she could just move out but she is trying to get her life back on straight. A piss poor attempt lately, but I guess somethign cuz it could be worse.
But I can only imagine what she told her Mom and Dad. But basically I am sure she has told them more than they ever imagined hearing. Now this is where my dilemma is......( finally LOL )
Ok, let me first off start by saying I love this girl to death! She means the world to me, one of the reasons our relationship started to turn south is her partying from working at the bar. Me personally, a pot smoker really doesn't bother me too much, but the alcohol on the otherhand is a different story. I like to wind down and have a few drinks my self but when you are getting drunk everyday you are working there is a problem. . But after the drinking came the coke. And before I knew it, our relationship was fuked up. Fighting, arguing, cheating, the whole deal. I mean there is more to that but even she agrees that this is when our problems started to arise.
I think we both were kinda in shell shock after we broke up. We both took it bad, but her demons she was dealing with while we were toghether just kinda took top priority. She was out drinking, drugging and spending money like crazy now.
She just told me a lil bit ago that when she was acting funny around me when were together is when she was late on her period. Well I didnt think much of it at the time. Then we broke up and I forgot all about it. Well this one day she called me up out of the blue and wanted to do lunch. I was like sure. She came up there to tell me she had a mis carriage, but got to scared on how I might react or what I might say since we are now broke up. (this is when I pointed out to her how skinny she was) She got scared and didn't tell me........I just found this out recently and this is whats been fucking me up real bad. I dont even know why I am posting this as I havent even told a single soul. I am just so confused and fucked up right now. I just feel so bad for her. I am a really loving and caring guy with people that are close to me, and it just kills me that this has happened to her and to me......All I can think in my head is how she told me on the phone about how she had OUR baby in her and now she doesn't. It just keeps echoing in my head......It just hurts me real bad that I wasn't there for her or didn't even know while this was going on.......
Ok, I am rambling again. Sorry.
She just quit her job at the bar she was working at and is now just staying at home with mom trying to get her head back on straight. I know that job at the bar meant alot to her as she would pull in up to $400 a night and sometimes up to $1500 a week if she worked mad crazy hours. The bar did bring her down but it does show mean that she is trying to at least get her life back by quitting there.
Its her birthday this coming up May 13th. She is going through alot of shit right now, regardless of what we are right now. I love her to death. I always will hold a special place in my heart for her. I just want to see her get past this stage in her life and move on. I know that if I NEEDED her she would be there in a heartbeat for me. I want to do the same for her. I think she would be devastated at this point if I didn't at least get her a card or flowers for her birthday.
But this is my personal dilemma with it all.....
I love her, thats basically it.
She called me up one night while I was sleeping about a 2 weeks ago. She was drunk on her way home from work, of course. She was telling me all sorts of stuff that I didn't want to or need to here. Stuff about her missing me and how she fucked us up and once she gets her life back together she is coming back for me and if I have a g/f she is gonna steal me away. We laughed at that....but the whole conversation actually got me so shook up and off guard that I was in the toilet about ready to puke. No bullshitting. I know it sounds like I am a pussy but man, that night caught me off guard and scared the shit out of me. I just miss what we had together, it was only really one of the few times in my life that I have been happy without the use of some sort of drug to do that for me. She is the person in my life that makes me feel ok with what/who I am and understands me. I did that for her too, I was one of the few people that she has entrusted with alot of things and deep secrets......
This sounds really immature, but I didnt know what else to do. I had to change my cell number cuz when she would call it just would bring on a flood of emotions that I have a hard time controlling. It could range from sad to angry and anywhere inbetween. I am a hot head as it is and all that would happen is my day get ruined and I couldn't move on. I am beginning to think that I need some sort of classes or something to be able to deal with my emotions as I really getting to be off the wall.......
So basically what should I do? Should I get her something to show her that there is still someone in her life that cares about her and wants her to improve and be the person she used to be or knowing that I have a hard time dealing with this and just not get her a thing? I am confused on waht to do? I am also kinda afraid that she could hurt me again........I know that we can't be just friends, but I think that is what she wants or has wanted before. But I know for me there is jus tto many feelings there to be just "friends".........
What do I do?
Sorry for the long rant, I needed someone to bithc to and thanks in advance for the responses.
Well first off she just moved back into her parents house from where she was living. So she is just back there after being out of the house for a few years. Well after we decided to take a break, broke up for good, or who the fuck knows she kinda went off the deep end. She was out drinking, partying and doing God only knows what. I knew it was bad when I went to see her at her work a few weeks ago and she had lost about 20lbs.
She wasn't looking too good at all, I told her she needed to start eating more and quit missing meals, etc, etc. She told me she was trying to do this modeling thing and needed to lose some weight as this guy would do her portfolio for free she just had to lose a little more weight. Well, there wasn't much more to lose, and she wasn't looking good. I kinda figured she might of been up to no good but I just kept my mouth shut as it really isn't my place to say anything as it would of just ended up in an argument and thats not what i wanted to happen.
Well, we went our seperate ways and she did her thing and I did mine, well you know what happened just recently if you read my thread I made the other day. I know for a fact that she had nothing to do with it other than dating the fucking idiot, but I know she would not ever want me to get hurt. If she left the hospital where he was at to come to my house to make sure I was alright then that shows me to. I dont know if she was dating him to piss me off, or what I really don't even want to think about it to tell you the truth.
Actually I am even more pissed about the whole ordeal cuz I was talking to a buddy I used to hang with and he was telling me how they (my ex and old friend) were out partying alot and doing coke together. I confronted my EX about this and she finally admitted to me that she has been doing it every now and then. Working the bar as a bartender and drinking all the time and being in that life style for so long has taken a toll on the worse for her. I have actually seen it happen right in front of my eyes while we were dating.....
Welll anyways......where was I?.......Ok, I text her today as we do have alot of shit that needs to be cleared up between us and just need to get alot of stuff off our chests. I figured she might want to talk tonight after I got off of work. She told me that her Parents popped a drug test on her. Well I know for a fact they found pot in there any maybe even coke. But she did tell me that she told her Mom everything. I know that her Mom is like the WORLD to her and I can only imagine how bad she hurt her Mom as they are SO SO close. My EX is 24, and she could just move out but she is trying to get her life back on straight. A piss poor attempt lately, but I guess somethign cuz it could be worse.
But I can only imagine what she told her Mom and Dad. But basically I am sure she has told them more than they ever imagined hearing. Now this is where my dilemma is......( finally LOL )
Ok, let me first off start by saying I love this girl to death! She means the world to me, one of the reasons our relationship started to turn south is her partying from working at the bar. Me personally, a pot smoker really doesn't bother me too much, but the alcohol on the otherhand is a different story. I like to wind down and have a few drinks my self but when you are getting drunk everyday you are working there is a problem. . But after the drinking came the coke. And before I knew it, our relationship was fuked up. Fighting, arguing, cheating, the whole deal. I mean there is more to that but even she agrees that this is when our problems started to arise.
I think we both were kinda in shell shock after we broke up. We both took it bad, but her demons she was dealing with while we were toghether just kinda took top priority. She was out drinking, drugging and spending money like crazy now.
She just told me a lil bit ago that when she was acting funny around me when were together is when she was late on her period. Well I didnt think much of it at the time. Then we broke up and I forgot all about it. Well this one day she called me up out of the blue and wanted to do lunch. I was like sure. She came up there to tell me she had a mis carriage, but got to scared on how I might react or what I might say since we are now broke up. (this is when I pointed out to her how skinny she was) She got scared and didn't tell me........I just found this out recently and this is whats been fucking me up real bad. I dont even know why I am posting this as I havent even told a single soul. I am just so confused and fucked up right now. I just feel so bad for her. I am a really loving and caring guy with people that are close to me, and it just kills me that this has happened to her and to me......All I can think in my head is how she told me on the phone about how she had OUR baby in her and now she doesn't. It just keeps echoing in my head......It just hurts me real bad that I wasn't there for her or didn't even know while this was going on.......
Ok, I am rambling again. Sorry.
She just quit her job at the bar she was working at and is now just staying at home with mom trying to get her head back on straight. I know that job at the bar meant alot to her as she would pull in up to $400 a night and sometimes up to $1500 a week if she worked mad crazy hours. The bar did bring her down but it does show mean that she is trying to at least get her life back by quitting there.
Its her birthday this coming up May 13th. She is going through alot of shit right now, regardless of what we are right now. I love her to death. I always will hold a special place in my heart for her. I just want to see her get past this stage in her life and move on. I know that if I NEEDED her she would be there in a heartbeat for me. I want to do the same for her. I think she would be devastated at this point if I didn't at least get her a card or flowers for her birthday.
But this is my personal dilemma with it all.....
I love her, thats basically it.
She called me up one night while I was sleeping about a 2 weeks ago. She was drunk on her way home from work, of course. She was telling me all sorts of stuff that I didn't want to or need to here. Stuff about her missing me and how she fucked us up and once she gets her life back together she is coming back for me and if I have a g/f she is gonna steal me away. We laughed at that....but the whole conversation actually got me so shook up and off guard that I was in the toilet about ready to puke. No bullshitting. I know it sounds like I am a pussy but man, that night caught me off guard and scared the shit out of me. I just miss what we had together, it was only really one of the few times in my life that I have been happy without the use of some sort of drug to do that for me. She is the person in my life that makes me feel ok with what/who I am and understands me. I did that for her too, I was one of the few people that she has entrusted with alot of things and deep secrets......
This sounds really immature, but I didnt know what else to do. I had to change my cell number cuz when she would call it just would bring on a flood of emotions that I have a hard time controlling. It could range from sad to angry and anywhere inbetween. I am a hot head as it is and all that would happen is my day get ruined and I couldn't move on. I am beginning to think that I need some sort of classes or something to be able to deal with my emotions as I really getting to be off the wall.......
So basically what should I do? Should I get her something to show her that there is still someone in her life that cares about her and wants her to improve and be the person she used to be or knowing that I have a hard time dealing with this and just not get her a thing? I am confused on waht to do? I am also kinda afraid that she could hurt me again........I know that we can't be just friends, but I think that is what she wants or has wanted before. But I know for me there is jus tto many feelings there to be just "friends".........
What do I do?
Sorry for the long rant, I needed someone to bithc to and thanks in advance for the responses.
