The Wall...

mrhtbd

mrhtbd

Joined
Apr 23, 2015
Messages
930
Hit the wall, realized working/slaving-doing shit work 80 hours a week was a total waste of time. Like my respectful friend, Bill said, "They get enough of me!" Those words rang incessant as I performed the lowest, dirtiest, most menial jobs in the shop, then it dawned on me; I could just say, "No!" I've migrated into the lowly dirtbag, doing everyone else's chores without resistance. From now on I will find ways to say no! "No," mother fuckers, pieces of shits, asswipes, diatribes, and/or douchebags. Got a 24 pack of tampons for the flowery bowl in the lunchroom. "Here to help, insert for dribble!" Yes, I mean no! Want me to do your job, oh, sure, azz-soon-as-I-finish this management request! Sure, sure, or maybe not. "The Peter Principle = Man will rise to his highest level of incompetence!" I've been working too hard, the aim is not to please, now it is to frustrate, limit, and omit. Oops, ran outta time, did you get the doughnuts!
 
Nancy Reagan said, just say no.
Too bad you can't find you. Once you find yourself you'll be okay cleaning toilets if that's what you find to do.
I think your real problem is you just aren't happy being you.
I may not always enjoy what I do, but I do it because I want to. Even on the rare occasion when someone else tells me what to do, and I have to get it done, bottom line is I do it because I want to. Otherwise I'd tell whoever to shove it.
You've been searching for you since I joined this board. I know you are highly intelligent. You have some very unique skill sets from jet engine me Hani to school teacher. You've lost your wife, in part because you didn't like who you were, so she had no respect for you and dogged you big time. Since then you've spiraled out of control downward trying to find some incarnation of who you would like to be.
Fact is, you're probably a pretty cool individual with a lot to offer any friendship/relationship. Just quit forcing it. Swimming against the current usually leads to exhaustion and drowning. Just go with the flow. Find that one thing that brings you to a place where you are comfortable in your own skin. And live life. Enjoy life. It's too short for all the turmoil that continually surrounds you. Find something that's real and hang on for dear life.
I really hope you get it figured out someday while you can still enjoy life.
 
A week ago you were stoked, loved the job and felt appreciated and busy... wtf changed???

Keep plugging brother, most jobs are thankless and mundane, but if you do them with pride at least at the end of the day you can hold your head up!
 
Alan Jackson --

"Tonight I Climbed The Wall"


Our room was filled with silence
I guess we'd said it all
I don't know when I'd seen our bedroom
So long I can't recall

We'd built this thing between us
I'm not sure what's the cause
So I swallowed all my pride
And tonight I climbed the wall

Tonight I climbed the wall
And took her by the hand
We'd come too far to fall
Couldn't stand to see it end
So tonight I climbed the wall

Makin' love is so much sweeter
When you love the one you hold
After all these years of holdin' her
You'd think by now I'd know

Now as we lie here together
All our troubles seem so small
Just these satin sheets between us
'Cause tonight I climbed the wall

Tonight I climbed the wall
And took her by the hand
We'd come too far to fall
Couldn't stand to see it end
So tonight I climbed the wall

Tonight I climbed the wall
Tonight I climbed the wall
 
I took the day off and went to my 11 year old's Swim-a-Thon. Didn't tell her beforehand. Can still see that big smile on her face as she waved when we saw each other. Her Grandmother was counting laps (the ex's Mom but I still get along great with the ex In-laws). She swam 80 laps with 2 friends. They all left together. I left her shower at home while I ran errands, then brought her lunch. Was going to work a half day but didn't. Instead we drove an hour near Philadelphia to visit my Mother's best childhood friend who is in an old folks home. She stayed a family friend Evan after my Mother died in 1965. She is 92, recognized my daughter right away and was very clad to see us. Took her home then went to a BMW rider's dinner . Very good time communing with likeminded souls. Tomorrow I see the hernia Doc, then it's back to work with an open mind and closed mouth
 
Buff that's the best most insightful post I've read on a board in a very long while. You got him pegged bro.

Mrhtbd, like buff said, we grown men do things because that's what we want to do. I have a job where no one has any clue where I am except once a month if they bother to look at my expense reports they will know where I rolled through last month. Yet frequently I'll get a call text or email from one of a couple dozen people, some above me some below me, and they ask me to do something. I do it because I want to see the business succeed,bi want to see those people succeed, and I want to help people. Not because I was told.

Have a nice day.
 
I agree with Darkness, after reading Buff's response this morning I really thought he could read between the lines. Saw the hernia Doc this morning and unfortunately it broke so surgery at this point is a necessity. Scheduled for 8/23. Been relying on my body for too long to make a living. Have ideas but fears and phobias controlling the gate. Figured the one "No," I most needed to give was to myself for insisting on doing everything. Went to work at 1:00PM today and some were questioning why I was there. Idiots. Reminded them of their insistence I put all things through my supervisor (which I did) not my problem he didn't pass it on. Also told the draftsman to cover myself. He conferred. Went to work. Later the owner came by and I told him, "was planning to work yesterday in the afternoon, but my 16 year old daughter, who had the day off work and I expected to be home, slept overnight at a friend's, and I wasn't about to let my 11 year old sit around the house alone until her Mom came home at 6PM, so we went to see my aunt." Then I asked, "How late can I work, I'd like to have these ready to ship on Monday." He, "I'll be here until 7PM." Me, "What about tomorrow, don't have my girls, can start at 6AM." He, "You have the key and Gary will be in, have at it." Done. No harm no foul. I like my job, just had to get over the fear of my guts spilling out all over the floor from manhandling 100 lb steel utility boxes. He left with a parting thought, "You have the crane all to yourself!" Tenacity, resilience, fortitude... a pause and some Faust seems to mend the internal fractures more than we can realize.
PS: DP, the Demons are real, run deep, and can't be slayed, and I, like Chiron, carry the wound integral and chimeric.
 
bufbiker said:
Nancy Reagan said, just say no.
Too bad you can't find you. Once you find yourself you'll be okay cleaning toilets if that's what you find to do.
I think your real problem is you just aren't happy being you.
I may not always enjoy what I do, but I do it because I want to. Even on the rare occasion when someone else tells me what to do, and I have to get it done, bottom line is I do it because I want to. Otherwise I'd tell whoever to shove it.
You've been searching for you since I joined this board. I know you are highly intelligent. You have some very unique skill sets from jet engine me Hani to school teacher. You've lost your wife, in part because you didn't like who you were, so she had no respect for you and dogged you big time. Since then you've spiraled out of control downward trying to find some incarnation of who you would like to be.
Fact is, you're probably a pretty cool individual with a lot to offer any friendship/relationship. Just quit forcing it. Swimming against the current usually leads to exhaustion and drowning. Just go with the flow. Find that one thing that brings you to a place where you are comfortable in your own skin. And live life. Enjoy life. It's too short for all the turmoil that continually surrounds you. Find something that's real and hang on for dear life.
I really hope you get it figured out someday while you can still enjoy life.
Click to expand...

I find that Tren Ace is like the ayuwaska of AAS. You can see what people are thinking and then toss them out the window.

Have a nice week end

G
 
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