Holidays and the ones we've lost

[Demigod]

I lost my dad a few months ago and the holidays are a lot different this year. I put on a happy face for my kids but the reality is I'm struggling. My dad was my best friend. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[wallyd]

I’m so sorry Demi! My dad just turned 83 on the 14. I visit him pretty much every weekend because I’m so scared of what is coming eventually. I honestly don’t have any words & tbh when it does happen I’m going to be in your shoes. I’m much closer to my dad than my mom & I know I’m going to be a mess when that dreaded day comes. I hope you can find peace & happiness in those you still have bye your side.

 

[Myvirtue]

I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 17. He passed in his sleep with no warning, and it completely changed everything for me. We shared a lot of hobbies, and at first I honestly didn’t know how I would keep going without him.

Over time, the pain became less constant, but it never fully goes away. It just changes. What helped me most was allowing myself to feel it instead of trying to push it down, and leaning into the people still around me.

You’re not weak for struggling, especially during the holidays. If you ever need to vent or just talk, I’m here.

 

[BigTex]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, as we age, we start losing everyone around us. It is never easy. My wife and I have both lost our fathers, I lost my brother a few years ago and now my mother has end-stage dementia. My wife's mother is pretty much in the same shape. Yes, time heals everything. Just remember YOUR wellness is top priority. You have people who depend on you and you have to be alright for them. Stay strong.

 

[Roughrydr]

Lost my Dad in 2010, my Mom in 2020. My mom's house was always the get together place for holidays, birthdays and such. Now with her gone our family has scattered. Montana, Texas and me in Florida still. But both my sons and all my grandkids are within a 10 mile radius. But even they all have their own lives now. Plus the added burden of my wife's advanced alzheimers makes it very difficult to go anywhere or have anyone over. Everything's on me and I work my butt off 50 plus hours a week, and in the gym at least another 5 hours a week. And to be honest im tired and dont want to do anything except care for my wife when im off from work or over the weekends. But the grandkids are older and come over frequently which is very cool. Life changes over time as much h as times change over the course if a life.

 

[BigTex]

Lost my Dad in 2010, my Mom in 2020. My mom's house was always the get together place for holidays, birthdays and such. Now with her gone our family has scattered. Montana, Texas and me in Florida still. But both my sons and all my grandkids are within a 10 mile radius. But even they all have their own lives now. Plus the added burden of my wife's advanced alzheimers makes it very difficult to go anywhere or have anyone over. Everything's on me and I work my butt off 50 plus hours a week, and in the gym at least another 5 hours a week. And to be honest im tired and dont want to do anything except care for my wife when im off from work or over the weekends. But the grandkids are older and come over frequently which is very cool. Life changes over time as much h as times change over the course if a life.

I feel your pain. I have never had to deal with Alzheimer's until my mother started having dementia, she is 91 years old. She can't remember much, has hallucinations and paranoia. She lives 300 miles from us, so I am having to manage her life at a distance. I have 24-hour care for her right now in her home. Our only kid is 29 years old and mad at us both for not allowing him to waste his life living with us and doing nothing but party. So we haven't seen or heard from him in over a year. I am semi-retired and work very part-time. I always dreamed of retirement being a very relaxed time in your life, but so far it is very hard. My wife and I work out 5 days a week and go to the grocery store. It's all we do anymore. We don't let the holidays put a strain on us and are happy with being alone. We are really all we have. I was always in a work situation where I had to work every holiday anyway, so holidays are not so meaningful to me

 

[Roughrydr]

Very relatable

 

[Chooch]

So sorry to hear this. My parents are both 75 and have been having health issues lately. Dad has cancer in his lungs, though it hasn’t gotten worse in a few years (without treatment, not sure how that happens), was in the hospital two weeks ago needing 3 pints of blood that they still don’t know where it went, mom just had a pacemaker put in, and they just keep getting older. I used to go visit them at least twice a week and help out with what I could, but now only see them 2x a year living in another country. I hate the feeling of wondering if they’ll still be there the next time I go back to visit. The wife’s mom died in her early 60s a month after we moved to Mx, I feel so bad that we couldn’t even get home in time for her to see her before she passed. Into the hospital and told she only had a day or two, we flew home the next day but it was already too late. Parents getting older and their time getting shorter sucks.

 

[Demigod]

It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Like I said my dad was my best friend. He was my neighbor and we talked and hung out everyday. But now he's gone. There's a big empty hole that no one can ever fill. It's kinda strange that we all know we're going to die...if we live long enough we'll see everyone we love die. Yet when it happens we're not ready for it. Thanks everyone for the kind words. So far I've actually handled the holidays better than I expected. Just stay busy. Keep the mind busy. Because when I stop for half a second I remember he's not here this year.

 

[BigTex]

So sorry to hear this. My parents are both 75 and have been having health issues lately. Dad has cancer in his lungs, though it hasn’t gotten worse in a few years (without treatment, not sure how that happens), was in the hospital two weeks ago needing 3 pints of blood that they still don’t know where it went, mom just had a pacemaker put in, and they just keep getting older. I used to go visit them at least twice a week and help out with what I could, but now only see them 2x a year living in another country. I hate the feeling of wondering if they’ll still be there the next time I go back to visit. The wife’s mom died in her early 60s a month after we moved to Mx, I feel so bad that we couldn’t even get home in time for her to see her before she passed. Into the hospital and told she only had a day or two, we flew home the next day but it was already too late. Parents getting older and their time getting shorter sucks.

My wife's mother lives in Buenos Aires. We used to travel there 1-2 times a year, but since this COVID mess, we stopped going. We chose not to get the clot shot, and you absolutely needed to have it at the time to get on a plane and enter Argentina. Not to mention the price of airline tickets has risen to the point is absolutely ridiculous to travel. My wife has decided that no matter what happens, she will remain in the USA and not attempt to travel. Her sister, who still lives there, has full power of attorney and will be the sole beneficiary of her mother's property. These are the types of decisions we all have to make as we age.

Demigod, time heals everything. The living have to move forward. Take care of yourself.